An Amish Year Read online

  “Daed, is anything wrong?”

  He turned another page and still didn’t look up. “Nee. Why do you ask?”

  “I don’t know. You’re just quiet.”

  “Ach, just tired of this foot, of the inconvenience.” He pushed his gold-rimmed reading glasses up on his nose, and neither spoke for a few moments.

  “I haven’t seen Katherine in a couple of days,” she finally said as she uncrossed her legs and turned to face him. She thought again about what nice things Saul had said about Katherine.

  Daed took his glasses off, set them on the end table, and closed the Bible. He reached for his crutches, then slowly pulled himself up. Rosemary rose also, offering him a hand, but he shook his head. He took two steps toward his bedroom and didn’t turn around when he said, “I don’t suspect we’ll be seeing much of her anymore.”

  He closed his bedroom door behind him, and Rosemary just stood there, staring at her father’s closed door. There was no mistaking the sadness in his voice. The decision to stop seeing each other must have been Katherine’s idea, and Rosemary wanted to slap the woman silly for hurting her father. She walked to his bedroom door, lifted her hand to knock, but then just softly placed her palm against the door. Whatever happened, Lord, please give him peace and wrap Your loving arms around him.

  Rosemary had been praying more lately, and with each heartfelt prayer, she found herself reestablishing a relationship with God that she’d come close to abandoning. Once she’d started to shed some of the bitterness she’d been feeling, it was easier to see God’s will. She was beginning to believe His plan for her didn’t include children, but He was giving her a chance at love, and Rosemary could no longer fight her feelings for Saul.

  Before she could move forward with her own life, she would have to make things right for her father and Katherine. Katherine had tried so hard to be nice to Rosemary, and Rosemary hadn’t behaved very well in return. But would Katherine really have ended the relationship because of Rosemary’s attitude? She doubted it. But something must have happened . . .

  Saturday morning, Rosemary awoke excited about her date with Saul, but she was worried about her father. He had slept late this morning and said he didn’t want any breakfast. In her lifetime, Rosemary couldn’t recall her father ever skipping a meal, except for once—the day Mamm had tried a new dish, and everyone in the family learned that Daed didn’t like liver and onions. None of them did, except for Jesse. He’d eaten the leftovers for two days.

  She made Jesse and Josh promise to keep an eye on Abner, and once she’d checked on her father, she hitched the buggy and headed to Katherine’s. Her mind was awhirl with various scenarios. The one in the forefront was that Katherine had broken up with her father because of Rosemary’s attitude toward her, although Rosemary had never been outright rude to the woman. Or maybe Katherine had found someone else, someone younger maybe. Either way, her father was suffering, and she was going to find out why.

  Katherine’s yard was perfectly maintained. Of course. Beautiful blooms in all the flower beds and a lush garden three times the size of the one Saul had put in for her family. The yard was freshly mowed, and the white clapboard house looked newly painted. Two cardinals were perched on the porch railing, and butterflies were plentiful. It looked like one of the paintings she’d seen at an Englisch shop in town.

  She took a deep breath before she knocked, surprised that Katherine didn’t have the door open, welcoming the breeze through the screen. She glanced around, and none of the windows were open either. Katherine’s buggy was here, but maybe she had gone somewhere with someone else. She rapped on the door, and when no one answered, she was about to turn and leave when she heard footsteps.

  Katherine opened the door a few inches and spoke to Rosemary through the screen. “Rosemary, what are you doing here?” She suddenly pulled the door wide. “Oh nee . . . is it your father? Is he all right?” Katherine brought a hand to her chest as her eyes grew round.

  Rosemary was too stunned to speak at first. Katherine didn’t have her kapp on, and her red hair was in a loose bun on top of her head, with lots of escaped strands sticking to her tearstained face. Dark circles hovered underneath swollen eyes, and her dark-green dress was wrinkled like she’d slept in it.

  “Daed is fine.” Rosemary leaned closer. “Can I come in?”

  Katherine pushed the door halfway closed again. “Now isn’t a gut time, Rosemary. Please forgive me.” She started to close the door, but Rosemary yanked the screen door open, then gave the door a gentle push.

  “What’s wrong? Did you and Daed have a fight? I know about the two of you, and Daed seems just as sad as you are. What’s going on?” Katherine opened the door wide and stepped aside so Rosemary could enter.

  “I had a feeling you knew about us.” Katherine walked ahead of Rosemary toward the living room, so Rosemary followed. After Katherine raised the two green shades on the windows facing the road, she lifted the panes and a welcome breeze wafted into the room. Katherine sat down on the couch and motioned for Rosemary to sit near her. Katherine looked a mess, but the inside of her house was equally as beautiful—and clean—as the outside.

  “I saw you kissing out by the barn,” Rosemary finally said. Katherine reached for a tissue from the box on the coffee table, blew her nose, and nodded. “That’s what I thought.”

  Rosemary studied Katherine for a few moments, more confused than ever. “Who ended things? Daed seems just as upset as you are. What happened?”

  Katherine covered her face with her hands, crying and mumbling. Rosemary couldn’t understand her, so she waited, then asked again, “What happened?”

  Katherine moved her hands, folded them in her lap, and sat taller. She didn’t even try to stop the tears from pouring down her cheeks. “I love your daed with all my heart. I never thought I’d love again after mei husband passed, but the Lord blessed me with a second chance. Or so I thought.” She cried harder, and Rosemary wasn’t sure that she should ask what happened again, but she did. And after a few more sobs, Katherine finally started to talk.

  “We had planned to be married in October or November.” Katherine quickly looked at Rosemary, but when Rosemary just nodded, she went on. “We were tired of sneaking around, especially from you and the boys.” She hung her head. “I’m sorry about that. We both just wanted to be sure that it was a love to last the rest of our lives before we shared the news.” She started shaking her head and crying again. “And I thought it was.”

  At this point, it was becoming obvious that her father had been the one to end the relationship. “So Daed called off the wedding?” Katherine nodded and blew her nose again. Rosemary couldn’t remember seeing such sadness since her mother died. “Why?” she finally asked. Dear Lord, please don’t let it be because of me, the way I acted, or anything I did. Guilt wrapped around Rosemary and she knew that whatever Katherine’s answer was, she wasn’t feeling very good about herself.

  Katherine gazed into Rosemary’s eyes, and Rosemary stopped breathing and braced herself.

  Katherine smiled. The kind of sad smile that makes the heart hurt. “He said he didn’t feel that he deserved a second chance, and that marrying me would be dishonoring your mudder.”

  “That’s ridiculous!” Rosemary was relieved that blame hadn’t been placed on her, but also shocked. “Of course he deserves a second chance. He’s a wonderful man.” She shook her head. “Mei mudder would want him to remarry. That’s what the Ordnung encourages.”

  “And . . .” Katherine flashed the same smile, and Rosemary knew what was coming this time. “He knew that you didn’t like me, so that was a problem too.”

  Rosemary lowered her chin, now fighting her own tears.

  “Katherine, it’s never bee
n that I didn’t like you.” She cringed at the lie, but she didn’t want to hurt Katherine further. Forgive me, Lord.

  Katherine raised her arms, then let them fall into her lap. “Then what was it? I would like to know.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I always tried to be nice to you. I love cooking and doing for others, but I started to wonder if you thought I was overstepping my bounds with you. I just wanted to help.” She waved her arm around the house. “Perfectly clean. All the time. Do you know why that is?”

  Rosemary didn’t say anything, just swallowed.

  “Everything is always in order because I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with. When there isn’t anything left to do, the loneliness sets in, and I used to start missing John.” She smiled. A real smile this time. “Then your father and I got close, and I was filled with hope about the future. It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with him. I thought that I could be like a mudder to Abner since he didn’t know his mudder. And I’d hoped to be a gut friend to the boys. And to you. I’ve admired you so much over the years.” Rosemary’s eyes grew wide, but before she could question Katherine, she went on. “Such huge responsibilities you have, tending to an entire household, your father, the boys . . . and to be so young.”

  Rosemary couldn’t speak. She was suffocating with guilt, and even though she should shed the emotion, she didn’t think she could.

  “So, why don’t you like me?” Katherine frowned, still crying.

  Rosemary took a deep breath, not wanting to lie again. “It’s just that . . .” She let out a heavy sigh. “You were . . . uh . . . always so happy. So organized and perfectly put together.” She paused. “I guess I always felt inferior.” Rosemary squeezed her eyes closed, cringing. When she opened them, Katherine started laughing.

  “Danki for giving me something to laugh about. I’m so tired of crying.” She shook her head and chuckled again. “Really? That’s all it takes is a happy, organized person to offend you? Well, I assure you, I hadn’t been happy for a very long time until your father. And I never wanted to make you feel inferior. I only ever wanted to help.” She covered her face with her hands again as though she were hiding.

  Rosemary knew she’d go home and talk to her father about this, but right now there was only one thing on her mind. She reached for Katherine’s hand. “I’m sorry, Katherine.”

  “Danki.” Katherine looked up and sniffled. “Edna was a wonderful woman. I’d never try to replace her. I’d be happy to come in second.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” Rosemary paused. “Ya, I am sorry about you and Daed, but I meant . . . I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I’m ashamed of myself.” She looked away, blinked a few times.

  Katherine squeezed her hand. “I forgive you, Rosemary. Please don’t feel shame. It’s the devil’s sword.”

  Rosemary let go of Katherine’s hand and stood up. “I’m going to talk to mei daed, see if I can make him understand how worthy he is of your love, and I’ll be praying for you both.”

  Katherine threw her arms around Rosemary’s neck. “Danki. I would spend the rest of my life loving him.”

  The embrace lasted several seconds, and Rosemary wondered how she’d ever misread this woman. She knew how. She’d been wallowing in her own dark place, walking a path away from the Lord, and resenting those who seemed to have it all. Rosemary couldn’t have it all. But she could have Saul. She hoped.

  She was almost out the door when Katherine touched her arm. “One more thing.” She paused, dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, then smiled. “Saul loves you very much. He always has. And he would make a wonderful husband and father.”

  Rosemary smiled. “I know.” She hugged Katherine again before she left, surprised that Katherine obviously didn’t know that Saul was unable to have children.

  Chapter Nine

  ROSEMARY WAS GLAD TO SEE HER FATHER UP AND ABOUT when she returned from Katherine’s. He was sitting in one of the kitchen chairs reading the newspaper.

  “Where’d you run off to this morning?” He took off his reading glasses, and he had the same dark circles under his eyes that Katherine had.

  Rosemary pulled off her black bonnet and hung it on the rack by the kitchen door. “I went to see Katherine.”

  Her father stiffened. “It’s not your business, Rosie.”

  She eased a chair out and sat down. “Daed, she’s a gut woman who loves you very much. Allow yourself to be happy.” Something I haven’t done myself.

  “How long have you known?” He scratched his nose but didn’t look at her.

  “Not long.”

  “I didn’t think you cared for her.” He sighed and reached for his cup of coffee.

  “I didn’t know her, Daed.” She waited, but her father was quiet.

  “She just made me feel . . . inadequate. But I was wrong, and I can’t stand to see you upset.”

  Her father pushed his chair from the table, locked his crutches underneath his arms, and moved to the living room. Rosemary followed.

  “Don’t you want to talk about this?”

  He didn’t turn around as he headed toward his bedroom. “This isn’t your business,” he said again before he closed his bedroom door.

  Rosemary stood on the other side of the door, tempted to burst in and make him listen to her, but she knew her father, and that wouldn’t work.

  Well, I’m going to make it mei business. She walked back to the kitchen, grabbed her bonnet, found her black purse, and headed out the door. A plan was working in her mind, and she knew she’d need Saul to help her.

  Saul took extra time readying himself Saturday evening, and he even dabbed a splash of aftershave on his face, something Janet Murphy had given him after he’d helped her do some yard work. The Englisch woman didn’t know such luxuries were frowned upon. It was the first time he’d used it. He didn’t want to offend anyone, but he was hoping to get close to Rosemary tonight.

  By the time he got to her house, his heart was racing. He hoped that Rosemary’s idea didn’t backfire on her, but he was glad she’d included him in the planning. All day, he’d relived the three months they’d had that wonderful summer. He’d spent the past five years hoping for another chance with her. They seemed to be moving in the right direction, and he’d been praying that tonight would go well.

  Wayne answered the door when Saul knocked.

  “Glad to be having you for supper, Saul.” Wayne shook his hand, then eased his crutches to one side so Saul could move into the living room.

  “Glad to be here,” Saul said as he shook his head. “How much longer on those crutches?” He sighed, knowing that everything had happened according to the Lord’s plan. If he hadn’t plowed into Wayne, he never would have planted their garden and gotten a bit closer to Rosemary. But it was still hard to watch Wayne hobbling around all because Saul had been in such a hurry.

  “Not too much longer. I’ll be happy to get rid of these cumbersome things. Poor Rosie has been taking up the slack, taking care of things I can’t do.” He chuckled. “Like that poor maedel doesn’t already have enough to do.”

  Rosemary walked barefooted into the room wearing a dark-maroon dress and black apron. She was smiling from ear to ear, and Saul winked at her. He wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked, but not in front of her father.

  “The boys aren’t here tonight,” Wayne said as he motioned for Saul to sit in one of the rocking chairs across from the couch. “Ben Smoker’s folks picked all three of them up for a sleepover.” He shrugged. “Kind of last minute, if you ask me, but the boys were happy to go spend time with their friends. I think I heard mention of a late-night volleyball game.” He sighed. “Them Smokers got th
at place lit up like a baseball field, enough propane to blind a person.” Saul was glad that the Smokers had helped with the plan by taking the boys. And he was glad to see Wayne chuckling. Rosemary had told Saul how down her father had been.

  “Supper is almost ready. You men chat while I finish up.” Rosemary smiled and headed back to the kitchen.

  Wayne and Saul engaged in small talk, but occasionally Wayne’s attention would drift, and it was clear that his thoughts were somewhere else.

  Saul kept glancing toward the window.

  Rosemary did her best to keep the beef casserole warm, hoping that Katherine would show up soon, before her father hobbled into the kitchen and saw four place settings laid out. She leaned against the counter, tapping her foot on the wood floor, hoping she hadn’t crossed a line. She was glad that Saul had agreed to the plan, even though she’d sensed a tiny bit of disappointment in his voice when she’d told him. Rosemary was looking forward to some alone time with Saul as well, but she couldn’t stand to see her father so upset. Or Katherine. She cringed, knowing how much she’d misjudged Katherine. She was hoping this whole thing wasn’t a mistake, but when she heard her father say from the living room, “I wonder who is pulling in the driveway during the supper hour,” she knew it was too late. Rosemary hurried out of the kitchen and walked into the living room just in time to see Saul opening the screen door. Katherine looked beautiful in a dark-green dress and black apron, all perfectly pressed, but Rosemary no longer held that against her. She glanced down at her own black apron and swiped at a smudge of flour.

  “Hi, Katherine. Come in,” Rosemary said as she eased up to where Saul was standing. She took the dish Katherine was carrying and whispered, “Gut, gut. You brought the pineapple cherry crisp like we talked about.”