His Love Endures Forever Read online

  Danielle avoided Martha’s eyes as she stood up and moved to the couch. Martha always sat in her old tan recliner, and they’d bought Arnold one of his own shortly after they were married. Danielle sat on the old red and gold couch across from them. “Don’t make a big deal about this, but sometimes I go to that little church in town, the one with the stained glass windows.”

  Martha smiled a little as she lifted her chin. “Do ya now?”

  “I asked you to not make a big deal over it. It’s just that it’s quiet, and I like to go there to think.” Danielle’s heart was pounding as she wondered if she should just tell Martha and Arnold everything. Now. But thoughts of Levi dominated. His sweet face, his strong arms around her . . . his offer to marry her. Was he crazy? Levi was the most religious person she knew, and she couldn’t imagine him leaving the Amish for a life with her. Even though she’d temporarily lost her mind and almost agreed to his proposal.

  She leaned her head back against the couch when Martha seemed to tune in to the television program with Arnold. Closing her eyes, she tried to picture herself with Levi . . . the two of them, a family, raising a baby. More than once, she’d wanted Levi to kiss her, but she’d known that would change the way things were between them. But now she found herself envisioning his lips on hers. What would it be like to kiss her best friend?

  Five

  THURSDAY, SARAH WALKED INTO THE DETWEILERS’ dry goods store to pick up a few things on her mother’s list. And to see if maybe she could catch a glimpse of Levi. The dry goods store was on the same property as the Detweilers’ home, and since it was almost four o’clock, she knew that Levi and his father would be pulling in from work soon, in time to clean up before the supper hour at five. Even if she didn’t get to see Levi, this would be a good time to chat with Levi’s older brother, Jacob, about something she’d seen.

  “Wie bischt, Sarah?” Jacob said from behind the counter as she walked in.

  “I’m gut. Danki, Jacob.”

  Jacob was only a year older than Levi, but if Levi hadn’t told Sarah that, she’d have thought him much older. He already had a receding hairline. Maybe his wife of two years, Beth Ann, was aging him. Beth Ann was on the whiny side. Sarah was glad Levi’s hair wasn’t receding so quickly.

  “If you’re lookin’ for Levi, he ain’t home yet.”

  Sarah felt her cheeks warm as she waved a playful hand at Jacob. “Nee, nee. I’m just here to pick up a few things for mei mamm.” She reached into the pocket of her black apron and pulled out the list.

  “Need help finding anything, let me know.” Jacob stacked some papers on the counter as he gave her a wise smile.

  “Ya, danki. I’m sure I’ll find everything.” She returned the smile and headed down the first aisle. Five minutes later, she was back at the counter carrying the six items in a small basket. She put them on the counter.

  “That was fast.”

  Jacob started scanning the items with a gadget Sarah had seen in stores that had electricity, then she looked up and saw lights overhead.

  “Jacob Detweiler . . .” She put her hands on her hips, grinning. “You’re running electricity in here.” She pointed to the cash register, then up at the lights.

  He chuckled. “Solar panels. Daed and Levi installed them a couple of weeks ago. Daed was even thinking about putting some at the main house, but Mamm threw a fit. Said she was happy with things the way they are.”

  “Solar panels in the haus is too Englisch for me, but I can see where it would be a big help here at the store.” She lifted a brow. “What does the bishop have to say about it?”

  Jacob shrugged. “The bishop figures we’re only taking advantage of all the sunshine the good Lord gives us here.” He put her items in a bag.

  Sarah peeked out the window. No sign of Levi yet, but she had other business here anyway. “I ran into the Englisch girl, Danielle, the other day. First time I’ve seen her in a while.” Sarah pulled a twenty-dollar bill from her apron pocket and put it on the counter. “She used to attend our worship service sometimes with Martha, but she hasn’t attended in weeks.” She paused. “Anyway, I was at the pharmacy picking up a prescription for mei sister when I saw her down the aisle.” Sarah knew what she was doing was wrong. Gossiping. But she knew how close Levi and Danielle were, and it worried her. She also knew her mother’s generation would never ask what she was about to ask Jacob, but she wanted Jacob—and particularly Levi—to know what kind of girl Danielle was. “Do you know . . . is she with child?”

  Jacob’s cheeks reddened above his brown beard as he avoided her eyes. “Uh, I wouldn’t think so, since she ain’t married.”

  “Isn’t she dating an Amish fellow in Alamosa?”

  “Ya, Matthew Lapp. Don’t know him. I’ve just heard Levi mention his name.”

  Sarah shook her head. “I was just surprised to see her buying one of those testing kits, you know, that tell you if, you know . . . you’re in the family way.”

  Jacobs face reddened even more. “I wouldn’t know about those things.” He handed her three dollars and some change back.

  “Danki. See you at worship on Sunday?”

  “Ya.”

  Sarah smiled, picked up her bag, and headed out the door. Still no sign of Levi. But that was okay. Jacob would tell him what kind of girl Danielle was, and that made the trip worth it.

  LEVI WALKED OVER to the store after he got the horse settled in the barn for the night. “Need help closing up?” He walked to where Jacob was totaling receipts behind the counter.

  “Nee. Just about done.” Jacob didn’t look up. “You missed your girlfriend. She just left.”

  “My girlfriend?” His immediate thought was Danielle, but only because she’d been on his mind since Monday night. He’d wanted to go by and see how she was doing, but he and his father had barely made it home in time for supper the past couple of nights. “Sarah?”

  “How many you got?” Jacob looked up and grinned.

  “She’s not really my girlfriend. We’ve been to a few singings, but . . .” He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “She sure is schee.”

  He nodded, although he hadn’t thought much about Sarah the past few days. He’d been busy with thoughts of Danielle and the baby; trying to forget about his dream, the man in the hardware store, and the fellow at the church. He couldn’t help but worry that he was ignoring signs from God to marry Danielle, but he was relieved not to be going into the Englisch world. He’d even talked to the bishop about setting his baptism soon. Then he wouldn’t be tempted by such silly notions.

  “I’ll see Sarah on Sunday,” he mumbled.

  “You don’t sound too excited about that.” Jacob walked around the counter toward the door. Levi followed him out, then stepped aside while Jacob locked up.

  “It’s not that. I’m just tired.” Levi and Jacob walked to the barn where Jacob’s horse had been stabled for the day, the cold wind slapping them in the face.

  “Sarah said she ran into Danielle at the pharmacy in town,” Jacob said as he led his horse out of the barn.

  Levi’s heart jumped at the mention of Danielle, which it didn’t used to do. “Ya, they know each other from worship service, I guess.”

  They were quiet as Jacob attached the harnesses and readied the buggy. Then Jacob stepped into his buggy, closed the door, and leaned out the window. “It wonders me if they like each other.”

  “Why would you say that?” Levi stuffed his hands in the pockets of his black coat, rocking back and forth on his heels to try to stay warm.

  Jacob shrugged, then clicked his tongue to set the horse in motion. “Ach, never mind. Women are odd ducks. Now, I gotta go and get home to mine.” He grinned, then hollered as he pulled away, “Tell Mamm I sure could use one of her lemon pies. You know, Beth Ann don’t like lemons so I never get one.”

  “I’ll tell her.” Levi turned toward the house, wondering if Jacob was holding something back.

  FRIDAY MORNING, DANIELLE hurle
d until her ribs hurt. It had been like that the past two mornings. And afternoons. And nights. If this was what pregnancy was like, she was going to hate it.

  She was still hugging the toilet in the upstairs bathroom when Martha banged on the door. “Danielle, are you okay in there?”

  She still hadn’t gotten up the courage to tell Martha or Arnold, but they were going to figure it out if she kept getting sick. She’d even left work yesterday halfway through her shift. “I’m okay.”

  “Still sick to your stomach? Want me to make you some soup? Or is there anything I can get for you?”

  For all their joking around with each other, and Martha’s peculiar ways, Danielle knew how lucky she was to have the woman in her life. “Yeah, still kinda sick, but I’ll be out in a minute.”

  “All right. But you let me know if you need something. Opening a can of soup doesn’t require any real cooking, so don’t be afraid.” She chuckled, and Danielle heard footsteps descending the stairs.

  She finally pulled herself off the floor, splashed water on her face, and blotted herself dry. Staring in the mirror, she touched her stomach. It was hard to believe that something so incredibly tiny was already causing this much havoc, just two months into her pregnancy, according to her calculations. She pulled her hair from what was left of her ponytail, ran a comb through it, then pulled it back again. After brushing her teeth, she left the bathroom and headed back to her room.

  As she dressed for work, she thought about Matthew. And Levi. When she thought about Matthew, tears threatened to spill. But thinking about Levi brought a smile to her face. She still couldn’t believe he’d asked her to marry him. Even if he had proposed out of some weird obligation to answer God’s “call.” Maybe that’s how God works. You have to give up some thing you love as a sacrifice to Him. Then He will give you a good life.

  As she tied her tennis shoes, she tried to recall any sacrifices she’d made in her life. The only thing she could think of was that she hadn’t hit her mother back after all the times she’d struck her. Danielle had sure wanted to. But she’d just taken it, knowing Mom would feel bad later. I wonder what Mom’s doing right now . . . Does she miss me?

  But was not hitting her mother back really the kind of sacrifice God was looking for? She tried to think of anything she’d given up for the good of another person, anything similar to the sacrifice Levi had been willing to make. When nothing came to mind, she decided she should ask Levi. He’d know if God required sacrifices to be in His good graces.

  What exactly did God want from her? She realized that even though she’d tried to stop thinking about a God she wasn’t sure existed, thoughts of Him had been more prevalent in her mind lately. She touched her stomach and wondered if the baby she carried was the reason.

  Maybe today she’d tell Sue she was pregnant. She’d been wanting to, but the restaurant had been super busy, and then she’d left early yesterday. She dreaded it, really, and practiced how she’d say it in her mind. Yeah, remember how I told you that me and Matthew were so in love? Well, yeah, so . . . uh, we made a baby. And then he got so freaked out he ran away.

  Danielle sighed. No matter how many times she tried to come up with the right way to say it, it only ended up sounding totally embarrassing.

  AFTER A LONG day and two trips to the bathroom to vomit, Danielle was thankful her shift was over. It was hard to keep her mind off a queasy stomach when she was delivering heaping plates of food—or worse, the dried remains—all day at a restaurant.

  “Hey, let’s talk,” she told Sue when they gathered up their purses in the back. “Here, or we can go somewhere else.”

  Sue pushed her black-framed glasses up on her nose and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” Danielle shrugged as they made their way into the main dining room. “Just thought we’d catch up.”

  “I can’t today. My mom’s car broke down, and I told her I’d hurry home from work so she could use mine.”

  “I’ll make it quick. There’s something I gotta tell you.” Danielle waited until they’d left the building before she said anything more. Keep it simple, she told herself. Just tell her. “Sue, I’m pregnant.”

  Sue stopped, her eyes grew wide, and with chattering teeth she said, “I’ll text my mom and tell her I’ll be a little late.”

  Silently, they walked to the coffee shop down the street. Sue wrapped her arm through hers, seemingly trying to figure out what to say. “So, what did Matthew say when you told him?” Sue asked when they reached the door.

  “I’ll tell you everything when we get inside. It’s chilly out here.”

  And then she did. All of it, from beginning to end. Only leaving out Levi and his crazy proposal.

  “That’s terrible, Danielle.” Sue covered her face with her hands, rubbed her eyes for a moment, then looked back at her. “What are you going to do?”

  “Raise the baby on my own. What else can I do?” She shoved aside another thought about Levi.

  Sue looked down, circling the rim of her coffee cup. “Well . . . there are options.”

  Danielle stiffened. “Like what?”

  “Adoption . . . or abortion.” Sue looked her in the eye.

  “I’m not giving my baby away.” Danielle swallowed back the lump in her throat. “And I’m certainly not killing him or her.”

  “Okay . . .” Sue bit her lip for a few moments. “But take it from me, Miss In Vitro herself, it’s hard not having a father. While it worked out great for my mom—a baby and no messy marriage stuff—I always felt cheated. I missed having a dad. Don’t you think . . . Danielle, don’t you think it’s a bit selfish not to even consider adoption?”

  Danielle blinked back tears.

  Sue reached over and touched her hand. “I’m not trying to upset you, but I want you to think carefully about what you’re doing. This will change your whole life. As well as your baby’s.” She eased her hand back and took a sip of her mocha. “What did Martha and Arnold say?”

  “I haven’t told them.”

  “Well, Martha’s loaded, so money won’t be an issue.” Sue shook her head. “My mom would kill me if I got pregnant. How ironic is that? But there’s no way we could afford it. I’m already helping out with the household expenses.” She narrowed her eyebrows. “Why didn’t you use birth control?”

  Danielle rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know. We were just in the moment, and . . .”

  “Just one time?”

  “Yeah. Can you believe it?” Danielle took a sip from her mug but quickly put it down. Something about the smell and the taste was making her nauseous. She was still thinking about Sue’s comment about being selfish, but Danielle knew in her heart that she could never give up her baby for adoption. And she couldn’t even think about any other options. She wanted to succeed where she felt like her own mother had failed, to love a child with all her heart. She dabbed at her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Danielle.” Sue took a deep breath. “This is about you, not me. I’ve just been so angry at my mom. When I was little, I kept waiting for her to marry someone so I could say I had a father. But instead, the guys came in and out of the house like there was a revolving door.” She held up a palm toward Danielle. “And I’m not saying you’d do that. I’m just saying that I always wished I had a father.”

  “Well, I can’t force Matthew to be with me.” She paused, wondering if she should go on. “But Levi asked me to marry him.”

  “What?” Sue sat straight up and blinked her eyes a few times. “I thought you guys were just good friends.” Shock gave way to a smile. “He sure is hot, though. What did you say?”

  “I said no, of course. He’s my best friend. We’re not like that.”

  Sue shook her head. “What is it about you and Amish guys?”

  Danielle shrugged, hearing the same question from Arnold again. “I don’t know.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t let that Levi Detweiler get away, Amish or not.” Sue laughed.

  “What’s
so funny?”

  “I’m trying to picture you in all that Amish garb.”

  Danielle thought for a few moments, then smiled. “I don’t see it either. But I couldn’t be Amish anyway. They’re super religious. And I’m not. He’d have to leave the community, and that just wouldn’t be right.”

  Sue leaned back in her chair and circled the rim of her mug with her finger. “Why did Levi ask you to marry him when he’s dating that Sarah girl? Does he know you’re pregnant?”

  Danielle cringed at the sound of that. “Yes, he knows. That’s why he asked. To make an honorable woman out of me, I guess.”

  Sue tapped a finger to her chin. “How far along are you?”

  “I know where you’re going with this. I’m not going to marry Levi and have everyone think the baby is his. He’d be humiliated by his family and Amish friends. I’m not doing that.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Yes. Of course,” Danielle said easily. “But not the way I loved Matthew. It’s different with Levi. I can tell him anything. We’re playful with each other. He’s honest, kind, a hard worker, and I just . . . love him for the person he is. We’re friends.”

  “Oh, I see.” Sue’s sarcastic tone was evident. “But Matthew runs off and leaves his parents a note, doesn’t say a word to you, and leaves you alone and pregnant. That’s the kind of person you love-love? Wait! Don’t answer.” Sue held up a finger. “If Matthew and Levi were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, who would it be?”

  She paused, thinking of them both struggling in the water, and her reaching for one . . . “That’s a dumb question, and I’m not answering it.”

  Sue leaned back, arms crossed in self-satisfaction. “If you were that in love with Matthew, then you would have picked him right away. But you didn’t.”

  “That doesn’t mean anything.”

  But even as she said it, Danielle knew that it meant everything.

  Because as soon as Sue posed the question, Danielle knew who she’d save.