An Amish Miracle Read online

  “This is not how I raised you, Becky.” Mamm spoke in a loud whisper as she folded her arms across her chest. “I’m glad you feel better about yourself. I really am. But enough is enough. You’ve lost plenty of weight, but pride and vanity have slipped in under your skin. Remember where beauty lies, mei dochder—in the eye of the beholder. And we have but one real Beholder, so keep that in mind.”

  Becky felt the sting of her mother’s words. “I didn’t mean it like it sounded.”

  Mamm sighed. “Just don’t let outer beauty interfere with the inner beauty that has always made you special.” She gave Becky a pat on the arm and moved toward the table.

  Becky glanced around the room. Small groups of girls were clustered in different areas. She wasn’t part of any of the cliques that had naturally formed over the years, and it occurred to her that rather than isolating herself, perhaps she should have made more of an attempt to fit in.

  But now things were different. She was no longer the outcast. She was thin. She had Matt. She belonged.

  She made her way across the room to where Mary Stoltzfus and two other girls were gathered. As soon as she entered their circle, everyone went quiet.

  “It’s a great turnout for the party.” She forced a smile.

  Two of the girls nodded, but Mary avoided eye contact with Becky. “Excuse me. I’m going to go help Esther in the kitchen.” She ducked out of the circle and hurried off.

  Maybe she had waited too long to try to be better friends with some of the girls. Or maybe Mary was just jealous because of her relationship with Matt. Either way, she wasn’t about to give up. She stuffed her hands in the pockets of her apron, since she was the only one not toting a plate of food. “Hannah, how are things going with James?”

  Hannah was a year younger than Becky, but the rumor was circulating that she and Hope’s son, James, were sweet on each other. And while gossip was frowned upon, Becky was determined to do whatever was necessary to be a part of the inner circle.

  Hannah swallowed, then blushed. “Gut.”

  “I’m dating Matt King,” Becky said.

  “Uh, ya . . . we heard.” Hannah glanced at Naomi, then both girls were quiet as they snacked on appetizers.

  “We went to see a really gut movie recently.” Becky took her hands from her pockets and folded them in front of her. “Matt hired a driver, and we went to Lancaster.”

  Hannah nodded. “I’m going to go get some more food.” She eased away, leaving just Becky and Naomi, but Naomi said she needed a refill and followed Hannah.

  Becky searched the room for her mother. In the past, being separated from the groups hadn’t bothered her. But now she was one of them—thin, dating, and with common interests. She expected them to be more accepting.

  She finally located Mamm, but she was deep in conversation with several other women, so Becky made her way to the table of displayed items. Hannah and Naomi had returned with plates of food, and they were browsing as well, slightly ahead of Becky and with their backs to her.

  “The only reason Matt is dating Becky is because she’s thin now,” Naomi said, still loud enough that Becky heard.

  “I liked the old Becky better,” Hannah said. “She was kind of quiet, but she wasn’t so prideful. Now that she’s lost all this weight, she seems to think she’s better than the rest of us.”

  Becky felt a knot form in her throat. That’s not true. I just want to be like the rest of you.

  She wanted to defend herself, to tell Hannah and Naomi that God had granted her a miracle, and that they were going against the Lord by condemning her weight loss, but she just stood there listening.

  “I used to think she was dating Elam, but obviously that’s not the case.” Hannah still had her back to Becky as she picked up a yellow Tupperware bowl. “Or if they were dating, he must have dumped her.”

  “Too bad for her,” Naomi said. “He’s a catch, that Elam.”

  Elam got Bennie started on the back fence, then went to the barn to repair the door that was about to fall off its hinges. He whistled as he worked, feeling better than he had felt in a long time. He missed Becky, and he prayed for her every day. He kept hearing how much she’d changed, and that saddened him. Becky had always had the spirit of an angel, and he wondered if Matt King had stripped her of that. But Elam was missing her less and less each day as other things occupied his mind.

  He finished installing a new hinge on the door just as his mother came out of the house. “I brought you a jacket.” She handed him his black coat. “I can feel the cold front blowing in, and I thought you might want this.”

  “Danki.” Elam slipped the coat on as the cool October air rushed through the barn windows and door. “It is getting colder.”

  “I hope Bennie is warm enough out there.” Mamm nodded to where he was working on the fence.

  Elam held a hand up and squinted into the setting sun. “Ya, I think he’s okay. He’s got a coat on.”

  “All right, then.” Mamm inspected the barn door and nodded in approval. “Be sure to round up Bennie at five, and you boys get cleaned up. Don’t be late. We’re having company for supper.”

  Bennie’s work on the farm had been a blessing over the past few weeks, and Elam could see things coming together around the place. But the best part of Bennie working for them had nothing to do with home improvements.

  Becky lay in bed awake, glancing at her clock every half hour. Sleep wasn’t going to come easily tonight. She rolled onto her left side, then the right, then back again. Finally, she kicked the covers off and sat up.

  Her mind was swirling with the events of the day, and her hurt feelings weren’t improving. To make matters worse, she hadn’t heard from or seen Matt in three days.

  She lit the lantern beside her bed, pulled the drawer of her nightstand open, and pulled out her cell phone. Her parents knew she had it, even though she rarely used it. One more leniency that would be lost when she completed her rumschpringe.

  Most people her age had a mobile phone, and many of the older folks did too. It was something the bishop didn’t encourage, but he tended to overlook it. She turned the phone on and waited, thinking about who she would call.

  Part of her wanted to call Matt, but it was eleven o’clock, and he’d mentioned more than once how he went to bed at nine. She recalled the late-night phone calls she used to have with Elam. He always kept his phone on.

  What would she say to him? I’m sorry we haven’t seen each other. I’m sorry that we can’t still be friends now that I’m with Matt.

  He answered in a whisper on the first ring. “Becky, it’s late. Are you okay?”

  She fought back the urge to cry. It was so good to hear Elam’s voice. “Ya. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Something must be wrong if you’re calling this late.”

  “I—I miss you. I miss talking to you.”

  Several seconds went by before Elam answered. “I miss you too.”

  They were both quiet again, then Becky asked, “Do you think I’ve changed?”

  “I don’t know.” Elam sighed. “I haven’t been around you recently, or even talked to you. Do you think you’ve changed?”

  “Nee. I don’t think so.” She lay back down on the bed and covered her eyes with one hand. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t have called.”

  She heard another sigh on the other end of the line.

  “Did I wake you up?”

  “Ya, but that’s okay.” He cleared his throat. “Shouldn’t you be calling Matt if you want to talk this late at night?” There was an edge to his voice that Becky should have foreseen.

  “I guess so. I’ll let you go.” She sat up and swiped a tear from her face.

  “Nee, wait. I’m sorry, Becky. I shouldn’t have said that. I’ll always be glad to hear from you, no matter what you’re doing or who you’re seeing. We were friends a long time before things got weird.”

  “I’m just—” She sniffled. “Just feeling badly. About myself.”
/>   “And why is that?”

  She waited a few moments before she answered. “I asked God for a miracle, Elam. I asked Him to make me thin. And He did. He truly granted me a miracle. But now I’m wondering if I have acted the right way about it all. I’m just confused.”

  “I’m not sure what to tell you, Becky. Like I said, I haven’t really heard from you, and we’ve barely said hello after worship services. If you feel like you’ve changed, maybe you need to do something about it.”

  She flinched at the harsh comment. “You don’t seem the same, Elam.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She paused. “I don’t know. You just sound different.” She was expecting more excitement from him. She’d figured he would be elated that she called. That didn’t seem to be the case.

  “You’re with Matt now. I don’t know if you’re different, but things between us are.” He sighed. “I hope you feel better, Becky. I’m glad you got what you wanted. I’ll always wish you well. You know that.”

  “That sounds like good-bye forever.” Another tear slid down her cheek.

  “Take care, Becky. Good night.”

  Becky hung up and tossed the phone back into the drawer. Elam was the one person she thought would always love her, the one person she could be honest with. But he was different now. He didn’t grovel or beg her for a visit. He didn’t ask when he’d see her or talk to her again. Nothing.

  She wished she could talk to Matt, be honest with him about how she was hurting. She wanted to tell him about the girls at the party and how they had hurt her feelings. She wanted to tell him how she missed Elam. But she didn’t want him to think less of her.

  She picked up the lantern and put her slippers on, then tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen. The cookie jar was filled to the rim with snickerdoodles, Ruben’s favorite. She hesitated. Once she dove in, there would be no turning back. She’d get fat again. God would be disappointed in her. And she wouldn’t have Elam’s friendship or Matt’s love.

  She pried open the lid of the jar and stuffed an entire cookie into her mouth.

  Then ate the rest.

  Chapter Twelve

  Matt got out of the house as fast as he could Saturday morning. With only a week left until Marie and John’s wedding, everyone and everything was in chaos. He’d only seen Becky once in the past week, when he’d stopped in at the bakery. His parents had been keeping him busy in preparation for the wedding. There was a crazy amount of cleaning going on inside and outside the house, and Marie was so wound up that she was giving Matt a nervous stomach and a headache.

  He couldn’t wait to see Becky.

  They’d made plans to spend the day together, and as he pulled into her driveway, he was thinking of things she might want to do. He picked up the bouquet of yellow roses and walked to the door. Becky’s mother answered. “Those are lovely, Matt.” Sarah smiled and motioned for Matt to come in. “I’ll go get Becky.”

  Even with her baggy dress on, Matt could tell that she’d gained weight. Thank goodness. He worried she might be getting too thin, but her face was filling out again, the way it used to be when she had cute round cheeks and great dimples.

  “Danki.” She took the roses, barely smiling.

  Hmm . . . He had expected more of a reaction, since this was the first time he’d given her flowers.

  “Yellow roses,” he prodded. “Remember? You said that was your favorite part of the movie—when the guy filled the girl’s living room with yellow roses.”

  “Right,” she said.

  They drove up the road a ways. “So,” Matt said, “what would you like to do?”

  “It’s up to you.”

  They were quiet for a while. “Are you okay?”

  “Ya, I’m fine.”

  Matt slowed the buggy and pulled to one side of the road as a car passed them much too close. Dark clouds hovering overhead were threatening rain.

  “Danki again for the roses,” she said once more after a while.

  “You’re welcome.” He paused, turned toward her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  She nodded. “Ya.”

  “It’s too cold to go to the creek. Do you want to go to the diner and get some kaffi?” Matt figured he could at least get a cinnamon roll or something.

  “Okay. That sounds gut.”

  Matt pulled into a diner off one of the back roads, a place the Englisch tourists didn’t visit much. There was only one elderly Amish couple in the back, and he and Becky picked a booth on the other side. They’d barely gotten seated next to a window when it started to pour.

  “I thought that might be coming.” Matt ordered a cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee, and much to his surprise, Becky ordered the same thing.

  “I’m glad to see you eating again.” Matt leaned back and put his hat on the seat beside him.

  Becky shrugged. “I’ll probably get fat again.”

  “I doubt one cinnamon roll will do that. And besides, I told you . . . I like you no matter your size.”

  I like you. Puny words for what he had been feeling, but he hadn’t had the nerve to say anything more. He knew that once he said I love you, he was locked in. He needed to be sure.

  Her eating habits bothered him, but maybe this was a good sign, the cinnamon roll. She was still wearing a little makeup and that awful perfume. He could live with the makeup if he had to but wished she’d go back to her homemade soaps and get rid of the perfume.

  He waited until they had both finished their rolls and were sipping coffee, then reached over and grabbed her hand. He took a quick peek at the elderly couple, but they were busy eating and not paying any attention to Becky and Matt.

  “Becky, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you.” Matt swallowed hard. He’d come close to telling a girl he loved her twice before, but the relationships hadn’t worked out, so it was just as well.

  Maybe he fell in love too easily. Maybe he should take more time. Maybe—

  “I love you,” he blurted out.

  Becky stared across the table. The man of her dreams. The one person she’d always wanted to love her. The catch of the town. Matt King. Handsome and kind, loving and sincere.

  “I love you,” he said. This was her moment, the one she’d wished for, longed for, prayed for. She waited for the warm and tingly feeling to consume her, for her heart to start pounding so hard she wouldn’t be able to breathe.

  Matt was waiting too. Waiting for her to respond.

  “Becky?” he said softly.

  Tell him how much you love him. Open your mouth. Tell him. But she couldn’t move or speak. The only person on her mind was Elam, and she couldn’t figure out why. She’d always loved Elam—like a brother. But hearing his voice last night, and looking at Matt right now—

  She hadn’t just been missing Elam. She’d been missing them, the way things used to be between them. Maybe she’d always thought Elam would be there waiting for her. As unfair as it might seem, maybe she’d held on to him as a backup in case things didn’t work out with Matt.

  But last night she had dreamed of what it would be like with Elam. Not Matt.

  What it would be like to kiss Elam . . .

  “Becky?” Matt let go of her hand. “Do you have anything to say?”

  She swallowed hard. She had hurt Elam, and now she was going to hurt Matt as well. “I’m sorry.”

  Matt’s expression shifted. “Are you kidding me? Really?”

  “I—I said I’m sorry. I just . . . it’s just not the right time. I’m confused, and I—”

  “You don’t have to tell me. I think I’ve already figured it out.” Matt lowered his head, then looked back up at her. “Just forget I said anything.”

  Becky gazed across the table at this wonderful, handsome man whom she’d dreamed of being with for years.

  Then she told him the truth.

  It was raining and almost dark when Becky ran up the porch steps at Elam’s house. She felt awful about Matt. He hadn’t taken her news
very well, but the more pressing issue was telling Elam that she loved him. That she’d always loved him, and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Fat or thin, good times or bad, better or worse. It was Elam she wanted.

  Maybe it took a romantic interest in someone else to show her what true love was. It was all very confusing, but she knew—beyond any doubts—that Elam was the one for her.

  Elam’s mother opened the door. “Goodness, Becky. What in the world are you doing out in this weather?” She latched onto Becky’s arm and gently eased her into the house. “Let me get you a towel, you’re soaking wet.”

  Becky stood dripping on the hardwood floors in the living room until Eve came back with a towel and draped it around Becky’s shoulders.

  Eve motioned for Becky to move near the fireplace. “Warm yourself, child. You’re shivering.” She laid another log on the fire, and red sparks shimmied upward. “I’m guessing you’re here to see Elam. I’ll go get him.”

  A minute later Elam came downstairs alone. “What are you doing here?”

  Becky hung back for only a moment. Then she flung the towel aside and ran to his arms. “I love you, Elam. I’ve always loved you.” She leaned back and swiped at her tears. “I don’t know what has been going on with me. I feel like a crazy person.” She looked up at him. “But I know I love you. You’re the one.”

  Elam gently guided her away and held her at arm’s length. “Becky, did you and Matt have a fight or something?”

  She shook her head. “Nee. But I broke up with him.”

  Elam was still holding her at arm’s length, his eyes wide. “When?”

  “Today. Just a little while ago. He told me he loved me, and—” She tried to move closer, but Elam was still holding her at a distance. “And I realized that Matt is great. He really is. But it’s you, Elam. You’re the one. I miss you so much it hurts. You’re the one I want to hold me, to kiss me. I want to be with you, and I’m so sorry that I needed to test the waters before I realized this. I love you, Elam. I love you so much.”

  She broke free of his hold, wrapped her arms around him, and buried her head in his chest. “I want us to love each other for the rest of our lives.”