A Season of Change Read online

  After she had coffee and a cinnamon roll, she shuffled across the cafeteria, but paused in front of the display of pies. A few weeks ago, she would have bought a piece of chocolate pie for Gus. He wasn’t eating much at all now, another sign that it wouldn’t be long.

  When she got back to Gus’s room, she lingered outside the door when she heard Gus thanking Lizzie for something.

  “How did you know I sent those loaves of bread to your cottage that day?” Lizzie’s voice was calm, but inquiring.

  “If you ever tell Esther this, I’ll come back to haunt you.” Gus sounded stronger. But that had become the pattern. Stronger one moment, weaker the next.

  Esther kept her ear peeled from outside the room.

  “You’ve always made better bread than her. In every other way imaginable, Esther does everything better than you. But your bread is the best I’ve ever had.” He paused and there was a light chuckle. “There. I threw you a bone from my deathbed.”

  Esther put a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing, then she composed herself and eased the door open.

  “Are you two behaving yourselves?” Esther was surprised to see Lizzie sitting in the chair next to the bed. Her sister usually kept her distance. She wondered what they had talked about prior to the bread conversation. Lizzie had always baked better bread than Esther, so there was no surprise there.

  Lizzie stood up and took a few steps away, making room for Esther to reclaim her spot, which she did. Her knees screamed for the chair.

  “Ya.” Lizzie flashed her dentures. “Gus was just telling me how much better mei bread is than yours.”

  Esther pressed her lips together to keep from smiling. She glanced at Gus, who rolled his tired eyes.

  “You’re a wicked woman,” he said, starting to sound breathless. “I’ll haunt you every chance I get.”

  “Nah.” Lizzie waved him off. “I look forward to seeing you in the next life. I figure we’ll keep on sparring, just like we always have.” She turned to Esther. “I’m going back to the hotel to enjoy the AC and television. Did you know there is a Hallmark Channel dedicated to nothing but sweet love stories?”

  “I knew you were watching TV when I’m not there.” Esther shook her head. “Shame on you.”

  Lizzie raised her chin. “I only watch good clean shows.”

  The door swung open, almost knocking into Lizzie. Amos and Naomi rushed into the room, closing the door securely behind them. Amos stood against it as if they were being chased.

  “What is wrong with you two?” Esther put a hand on her heart, hoping to calm the sudden palpitations. Naomi was carrying a small piece of black luggage, like a carpet bag with holes in it.

  “What’s that noise?” Lizzie asked suspiciously as her eyes widened.

  “We called the hospital to see if Gus could come outside in a wheelchair, but they said he wasn’t strong enough for that, so . . .” She reached into the bag and pulled out one of Gus’s black cats. Lizzie backed up until she slammed into the wall. “I couldn’t find Midnight,” Naomi said to Gus. “You know how she roams. But I know how attached you are to Whiskers.” She carefully placed the cat on the bed with Gus. Amos held his position by the door. Lizzie covered her eyes and moaned.

  Gus’s breathing was more labored, but his expression was the brightest Esther had seen in a while. They might all get thrown out of the hospital if they were caught, but it was worth it for Gus to be able to say goodbye to his beloved cat.

  “She don’t like that dry food you leave out sometimes.” Gus scratched behind the cat’s ears. “She only eats it because she’s hungry. She likes the canned kind, the small cans with the cat’s picture on it.”

  “Ya, and I’ve been feeding her and Midnight that kind since you told me before.” Naomi put a hand on the cat when it glanced around the room like it might be getting ready to sprint from the bed. The cat slept with Gus when he’d been at home, but this was unfamiliar territory.

  “I have a mind to scream for help”—Lizzie still had her hands over her eyes—“before that varmint sprints over here and claws mei eyes out.”

  “Don’t you dare,” Naomi said in a firm voice as she cut her eyes at Lizzie, who didn’t see the fierce look. “You have no idea how hard it was to get Whiskers in here without getting caught. One lady in the elevator looked alarmed when Whiskers meowed, but luckily she got off on another floor. Amos and I talked loudly all the way down the corridor in case Whiskers meowed, hoping no one would hear her.”

  Gus started coughing a lot.

  “His blood pressure is going up. That’s going to send a nurse in here soon.” Esther eyed the door, then looked back at Naomi, who nodded.

  She eased the cat back into the bag, then she leaned over and kissed Gus on the cheek, pushing back strands of sweaty gray hair. Gus went from cold to hot, on and off, when his fever spiked, then broke.

  Naomi was about to walk off when Gus touched her arm. “Thank you, Naomi.”

  She smiled. “You are very welcome.”

  Amos waved from the door. “Take care, Gus.”

  No one said a word. Not even the cat made any noise. Gus’s eyes were moist, as were Naomi’s. It was goodbye for them, and they both knew it.

  After they rushed out of the room, Lizzie uncovered her eyes, spat her teeth in her hand, and said, “I’m leaving. This place isn’t safe. If you need me, Esther, I’ll be back in the hotel room.”

  “Rule breaker.” Gus coughed but grinned.

  Lizzie stared at Gus for a long while until her eyes began to water. “Bye.”

  Then she bolted out the door.

  “What was that about?” Gus grimaced as he shifted his weight.

  “Lizzie doesn’t like people to see her cry.”

  “Cry? Why would she be crying?” He moaned as he finally seemed to find a comfortable position, or as comfortable as he could get.

  Esther touched Gus’s arm. “Because, believe it or not, Lizzie will miss you.” She held up a finger. “Think before you speak because I know you will miss her too.”

  He blinked his eyes a few times. “Yeah . . . I will.”

  * * *

  By the time Esther got back to the hotel room, which was a two-block trek, she longed for a hot bath and a bed. But she skipped the bath for now and lowered herself onto one of the queen beds in the room. Lizzie was on the other bed with several pillows propped up behind her. Her eyes were fixed on the television.

  “Hello? I’m back.” Esther yawned.

  “Watch. That man is about to tell her how much he loves her.” Lizzie didn’t take her eyes from the scene unfolding.

  Esther sighed. “Have you talked to Rose today?”

  Lizzie grumbled and pushed a knob on the remote control. She’d obviously learned to pause a show.

  “Ya, still no reservations for the rest of this month, but three ladies from Oklahoma booked rooms for four nights in September.” Esther wondered if she and Lizzie would be home by then. These things had a timeline of their own—God’s timeline.

  She pushed a button and the show resumed.

  “Lizzie, I hope you’re praying each night and asking forgiveness for giving in to worldly sins.” Esther sat up. She needed to go take a bath before she fell asleep in her clothes.

  “I’ve led a gut life. I think Gott will overlook this indulgence.” She paused the show again, glowered at Esther, then ran her hand in a circle above her head. “Should we talk about this air-conditioning that we’re enjoying? How do you put one worldly sin over the other one?”

  Esther yawned as she stood up. “Point taken. I will miss sleeping in a cool room when we get home.”

  As she began to fill the tub with water, she let the water run while she cried so Lizzie wouldn’t hear. She wasn’t sure how much of it was pure exhaustion or the thought of losing Gus. Both, she decided.

  * * *

  Esther was later than usual getting to the hospital. Lizzie had chosen to give blood that morning. Even though Gus didn’t re
quire it anymore, she planned to continue giving for as long as she could to help others with her and Gus’s rare blood type.

  Evelyn and Jayce were in Gus’s room when Esther entered. She leaned down and hugged Evelyn, who was sitting next to Gus, then she moved across the room to Jayce. “Aw, hon,” she said, wrapping her arms around the boy as he sniffled.

  When he eased out of the hug, he wiped his eyes. “Wie bischt, Esther.” The poor lad’s voice cracked. “We’ve been here a while, so I guess we’ll go.”

  Evelyn stood up and put a hand on Gus’s arm. Out of their little family, Evelyn probably knew Gus least of all. “Blessings to you.”

  Jayce hugged the man, and Gus lifted one arm and patted him on the back. They hadn’t been to see Gus in a week, and he had certainly declined a lot in those seven days. Esther was sure it was a shock for Evelyn, and especially Jayce, to see him this morning.

  They were almost out the door, but Jayce turned around, tears streaming down his face. “I love you, Gus.”

  A knot rose up in Esther’s throat, and it only worsened when Gus’s lips trembled. “I love you too, son.”

  Jayce rushed back to Gus for a final hug, then hurried out the door with Evelyn.

  Esther sat in her chair and reached for a tissue on Gus’s bedside table.

  “Don’t you go getting all emotional on me too.” Gus frowned. “Guess Rose Petal and her new beau will come say bye too.” He sighed. “I dislike all of this, Esther.”

  She smiled as she thought about Rose and Benjamin. They spent most evenings together, and Rose had never seemed happier when she called at night.

  “I’ll bet you didn’t know how many people cared about you, did you?”

  He coughed, then there was the hint of a grin. “What can I say? I’m a likable guy.”

  “You’re also a sweaty mess.” Esther stood, wet a rag, and gently wiped his face. “This seems to happen when your fever breaks.”

  He didn’t try to object. The cold water had to feel good.

  After she sat back down, Gus coughed again, a raspy sound that sounded like it came from deep within his lungs. “I need to ask you something,” he said.

  Before he could get his question out, sure enough, Rose and Benjamin walked in. Esther didn’t think she’d ever seen a prettier couple. They glowed with the newness of true love, and it warmed her heart to see the couple so happy.

  After a quick hug from each of them, Esther excused herself. Visitors were an opportunity to stretch her legs, and Gus had been correct. Everyone was coming to say their goodbyes. Esther didn’t think she could take another one without breaking down.

  She went and sat in the hospital courtyard, then returned about fifteen minutes later. Sure enough, Rose was holding Gus’s hand and crying. Benjamin was by her side with his arm around her.

  “I said I wouldn’t cry, Gus. I’m sorry. I’ve been praying for healing for you. And don’t worry about Whiskers and Midnight. I’ll help Naomi take care of your kitties. I’ve cleaned your cottage.” She put a hand to her forehead. “I don’t know why I said that. But you have Naomi’s painting in here. That was so nice of her to bring it to the hospital. I wish you all of Gott’s blessings, and—”

  “Got it,” Gus said as he held up a hand. He glanced at Esther and sighed before he turned back to Rose. “Thank you for coming. Have a good life.”

  It shouldn’t have been funny, but Esther held a hand over her grin. That was their Gus, blunt and to the point.

  After they’d said goodbye, Rose whispered to Esther and asked her to follow them out of the room.

  “I’ll be right back, Gus.”

  After they left and were a few steps down the corridor, Rose said, “When I was cleaning Gus’s cottage, I found something I think you should see. I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I wasn’t sure when it was the right time. You’ve been so tired, and I didn’t want you to fret over anything else.” Rose shrugged. “But I think you should see this and decide how you want to handle it, or if you want to say anything.” She slipped a piece of folded paper into Esther’s hand. “I think it’s self-explanatory.”

  Rose and Benjamin left. Esther stood in the corridor staring at the note. Her first instinct was to tell Lizzie, but then she thought better of it. She needed time for the realization to soak in before she decided how to handle this new information.

  She went back to Gus’s room. He’d dozed off so she sat down and watched him sleeping. His breaths were long, and with each one it seemed more of an effort. When he began to sweat again, she rewet a cold rag and blotted his forehead, which woke him up.

  “Before Rose and Benjamin left, you said you wanted to ask me something.” Esther wondered if it had anything to do with the note Rose had given her, which was now in her pocket.

  He took a few long breaths. “Can you shave my beard? The nurse offered to do it since I’m sweating so much. I don’t need strangers touching me any more than they already do.” He closed his eyes, his breathing growing heavy again. The cancer had taken over all of his organs, the doctor said.

  “Ya, I will shave your beard if you’d like. I’m sure you’d be more comfortable. But . . . you do know, our men don’t shave their beards, so I have never done it before.”

  “You women shave your legs, don’t you? How different can it be?”

  Esther wasn’t about to tell Gus that she couldn’t remember the last time she’d shaved her legs. “I’ll go to the gift shop downstairs. I’ve wandered in there before, and they have various toiletries.”

  She left, and when she returned, Gus was asleep, so she took the piece of paper from her pocket and stared at it. As Rose had said, it was self-explanatory, and Esther needed to acknowledge it.

  “You get the stuff?” Gus asked in a whisper.

  Esther quickly stuffed the paper back in her pocket, then lifted the small bag she’d set on the bedside table. “Ya, I did. I’m assuming shaving cream and a razor should do it.” She turned the can of cream over until she found the instructions.

  “Esther.” Gus spoke softly, but it didn’t stop him from rolling his eyes. “Are you really reading the directions? I’m on borrowed time. Just lather up my beard and get this thing off of me.”

  She took a deep breath and got to work as best she could.

  “Try not to cut me. I’ll bleed out for sure,” he said in a low voice.

  “Be still and don’t talk.” She carefully ran the razor the length of his face, each swipe revealing more of the man she’d never seen without a beard. When she was done, she smiled. “There you are. A handsome man who has been hidden behind that beard all this time.”

  His pale face actually took on a pink tint. “Whatever.” Then he stared into her eyes. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  There was something else on his mind. She wondered if it was the same thing on her mind as she fumbled with the note in her pocket.

  “I feel different, Esther. Pastor Paul seems to think I’m going to make my way to heaven. I’ve been talking to God through His Son, and I’ve never felt that kind of peace. What do you think?”

  It wasn’t the conversation she thought they were going to have, but this topic was certainly important. “Save me a seat,” she said softly as tears built in the corners of her eyes. “This makes me very happy.”

  “I’m thinking I might not be on the front row, but . . . I think I’m ready when the time comes.”

  Esther smiled, although she still felt Gus had a little more time. But in case he didn’t, she pulled the paper from her pocket and handed it to him. “Rose found this when she was cleaning your cottage.” She blinked her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me? For goodness’ sake, you made me think I had a stalker.”

  Gus stared at the paper. In his handwriting, he’d written dozens of different variations, changed the wording up, but he had apparently landed on what relayed his feelings the best.

  My Dearest Esther, these flowers can’t compare to your beauty, but t
hey are an offering of my love.

  At first, he wouldn’t look at her, he just tucked his chin. Without his beard, she could see his lips trembling. “I should have signed the card, and I should have told you I sent the flowers when you asked. I chickened out both times.” He finally lifted his eyes to hers. “I already knew I was sick, and I wanted you to know how I feel, but I just—” He paused, barely shrugging. “And the reason I was on your porch is because I couldn’t find Whiskers so I’d gone for a walk. I got winded and needed to sit for a while. I wasn’t ready for you to know I was sick, and I panicked when you and Lizzie came out on the porch. So I went with Lizzie’s stalker idea, which I shouldn’t have done because I never meant to scare you.” His watery eyes lifted to hers. “I’ve always loved you, Esther. I just didn’t know how to tell you. I knew you couldn’t love a man like me.” He lowered his chin again, his lips still trembling.

  Esther found his hand and squeezed. There were many different kinds of love. And while Esther’s love for Gus wasn’t romantic love, she didn’t feel that needed to be mentioned. “I do love you, Gus.” Then she wept openly as she kept his hand in hers and laid her head on the edge of his bed.

  “There, there,” he said, in not much more than a whisper and in perhaps the kindest voice she’d ever heard him use. “Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope . . .” His endurance was slipping away as he spoke the words slowly. “It can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen.”

  “Corinthians,” she whispered as she clung to his hand and cried.

  “Don’t be sad, Esther,” he said in a shaky voice. “I saw Momma and Dad in a dream. I’m going to be okay.”

  She lifted her eyes to his as tears trailed down her cheeks. “I’m not sad, Gus. I will miss you.” With quivering lips, she said, “But now I know that I will see you again. And that makes me happy.”