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  “I think I should go.”

  “Nee. It’s fine, and—”

  “Let her go, Annie.” Daniel’s voice was stern and louder than Charlotte would have expected.

  Lucas Byler was standing perfectly still, looking at his wife as if there weren’t anyone else in the room, no conversation, no one but the woman he’d loved for decades. Charlotte’s heart was broken for all of them. But, selfishly, she felt her own heart breaking as well—about Daniel.

  “Go, Charlotte,” Daniel repeated again.

  She pulled her hand from Annie’s. “I’m sorry,” she said again. Then she ran out of the room, down the hall, and to her truck.

  Grief made people react in different and sometimes strange ways, but there was no mistaking the look in Daniel’s eyes when he told her to leave. And Charlotte didn’t think he meant for her to just leave the room. His words felt much more substantial than that.

  Twenty

  Three days later, Daniel and Annie stood in the living room greeting visitors who stopped by to pay their respects and to view the body, as was customary. Annie clung to Gracie, occasionally allowing a guest to hold the baby for a short time.

  Daniel had talked to Charlotte on the phone, but he hadn’t seen her since his mother passed from this life to the next. He didn’t really want to see anyone, even the woman he loved. Resentment threatened to take over where grief had settled in, and anger was replacing hurt. He’d been taught to accept God’s will, not to question it. But the constant pain in his heart had left him feeling cheated.

  Unlike his father, who still wouldn’t have anything to do with Gracie, Daniel’s emotions were closer to his sister’s when it came to the baby, relishing a new life. He prayed daily that Daed would bond with the baby and not see the child as the reason their mother was no longer alive.

  He’d treated Charlotte badly at the hospital, but she’d risen above it and not mentioned anything about it on the phone, only saying how sorry she was and that she was available to Daniel and his family for whatever they might need. He needed his mother back, and that was something no one could provide. And in his grief, he was sure that no one knew the dejection etched into his soul.

  “Jacob and his family are here.” Annie left Daniel and maneuvered around the bishop and a few of the elders standing nearby, until she was standing by the front door. Jacob and Amos lifted Lena’s wheelchair up the porch steps as Hannah and Isaac trailed them.

  Hugs and condolences followed. Lena and Hannah both brought containers of food, which Hannah stashed in the kitchen after they’d spoken to the bishop, Daniel’s father, and a few others. Where was Charlotte? Maybe she wasn’t coming. He was torn between clinging to her and distancing himself, and the latter had won out. It wasn’t Charlotte’s fault that his mother was no longer with them, but he didn’t feel like he had the strength for Charlotte right now. She rarely took control of her own destiny, but right now, Daniel needed her to stand on her own while he worked through his feelings.

  “Wie bischt, Daniel.” Edna and John came into the living room holding hands, which was uncustomary and particularly unusual for Edna and her husband.

  “Danki for coming.” Daniel was tired of thanking people. He didn’t care about the food everyone was talking about in the kitchen. And if one more person said his mother looked peaceful, he might snap. He just wanted this day to be over. And tomorrow was the funeral.

  Edna hugged him at the exact moment Charlotte came into the room, waiting her turn to speak to Daniel, as if they were merely two people who cared for each other, not a couple who had made memories together and talked of a future. But Charlotte had veered away from that conversation so many times, Daniel was tired of bringing it up.

  She said hello to Edna and John, and even smiled while doing so, which irritated Daniel even more since Charlotte couldn’t stand Edna.

  “Danki for coming,” Daniel said to Charlotte.

  “Of course.” Her eyebrows drew inward as if she was confused by the formality. “How are you holding up?”

  Daniel had asked Charlotte the same question the day of her mother’s funeral, so it didn’t stand to reason that her question should embitter. “Gut. I’m fine.”

  She nodded. “Andrea wanted to come to pay her respects, but Bella was running a low fever. I didn’t think it would be gut for her to be around Grace.”

  Daniel caught her use of the Deutsch but didn’t acknowledge it. He wanted to pull her into his arms and hold on to her for life. But losing her scared him more than having her, and he was sure his heart couldn’t risk another onslaught of grief.

  Charlotte wasn’t sure why Daniel had distanced himself so much, but she was going to respect his need for privacy during this difficult time. She would have thought he might have leaned on her a little, the way she’d leaned on him so many times. Maybe it was different with a man. Perhaps he was trying to stay strong. He excused himself to greet other guests.

  Edna cozied up to Charlotte, which, prior to a few days ago, would have made her cringe. But Andrea had eventually shared her entire conversation with Edna and Edna’s desperateness the day she visited. Charlotte was trying to see her in a new light. She doubted they would ever be great friends, but she sympathized with the woman. And for whatever reason, God had chosen Edna to enlighten Andrea about a life after this one. For that, Charlotte was grateful.

  Charlotte’s thoughts traveled to her baptism a week from Sunday. She hadn’t mentioned it to Daniel, as badly as she’d wanted to. It seemed that her baptism should be a time of celebration, and this wasn’t the right time to rejoice in her decision.

  She scanned the room and found Amos leaning over Lena’s wheelchair talking to her. Whatever he said to her caused her to smile, and Charlotte was sure Lena was the strongest person she’d ever known. She tried to imagine what it would be like to lose Lena, and she knew Daniel’s pain had to be overwhelming. Then she saw Lucas standing off by himself, his expression void of emotion as he held his position away from small groups that had gathered.

  She moved to his side. “I’m sorry, Lucas.” Charlotte touched his arm, then eased her hand to her side. Daniel’s father nodded but otherwise kept his eyes down. “If there is anything I can do, please let me know.”

  Lucas nodded again but didn’t make eye contact.

  As Charlotte looked around again, she recognized most of the people in the room, a community she’d come to love and would soon be a part of. When she felt eyes on her, she turned to her left and found Daniel’s gaze. But he quickly looked away. Wondering what she’d done, she started to walk his way, but Hannah eased her hand underneath Charlotte’s elbow and steered her in another direction until they stopped on the other side of the room.

  “Congratulations on the baby.” Charlotte hugged Hannah. “I’m so happy for you and Isaac.”

  Hannah smiled. “Danki. We are excited.”

  Charlotte had only told Andrea about her plans to be baptized, and while it might not be the right time to tell Daniel, she was bursting to tell someone. “I have some exciting news too.”

  Grinning, Hannah raised her eyebrows. “I’d love to hear.”

  “I’m going to get baptized, here, in this community.”

  Hannah lifted up on her toes as she let out a small gasp. “Charlotte, I’m so happy for you.” She playfully rolled her eyes. “But I knew you would. You’re family. And then you and Daniel can get married.”

  Charlotte looked toward where Daniel had been standing, but he was gone. “Well, I hope so.”

  “What’s wrong?” Hannah inched a little closer, an ear peeled.

  Charlotte shrugged. “I’m not sure. I mean, I know he is grieving, but he seems angry at me for something, and I’m not sure what. I haven’t pushed him on it, considering the circumstances.”

  “I agree.” Hannah folded her hands in front of her. “He needs time to grieve. And men can be funny about these things. It must be a lot of pressure to pretend to be strong when you are hurtin
g so much. Maybe he just needs some time. What did he say about your upcoming baptism? I’m sure he was happy to hear that news.”

  Charlotte bit her bottom lip, then cringed a little. “I haven’t told him yet. I guess . . . I guess I want him to be happy about it and celebrate with me.”

  “In some ways it is a celebration.” Hannah glanced at Eve’s coffin, open halfway with a sheet covering her. For those who wanted a viewing, a family member lifted the sheet. Charlotte hadn’t ventured that way yet. “She’s finally home.”

  “I know. But those closest to her will feel the loss for a long time.” Charlotte recalled her own mother’s funeral not so long ago, but there was an equal amount of sadness and relief in Janell’s passing. This was different for Daniel. And Annie and Lucas. Also heartbreaking because of baby Grace.

  “Eve is wearing her wedding clothes. Did you know that? It’s tradition.” Hannah stared at the coffin in the distance.

  Charlotte nodded. “Ya, I did.”

  Hannah grinned. “Speaking a little Deutsch, are you?”

  Amid the sadness, Charlotte welcomed the light moment and smiled, then she caught sight of Jacob holding Grace. “Look.” She nodded toward Annie and Jacob both huddled on the couch with the baby. “He looks like a natural. Do you think Jacob and Annie will try to make a go of it again?”

  “Ya, I think so. They are together a lot, and Jacob seems more grounded and ready to stay in our community. Whatever happened during his time in the Englisch world, it seems to have calmed his restless soul.”

  “I hope so.”

  Annie smiled as Grace cooed and stretched her tiny arms above her head. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

  Jacob ran a finger along Grace’s cheek, bringing forth a smile. “Ya, she really is. Has your father come around?”

  Annie swallowed back a lump forming in her throat. “Nee. Every time I ask him if he’d like to hold the baby, he has an excuse. It breaks my heart. And it would break Mamm’s too.”

  “Do you think he blames the boppli for your mudder’s passing?”

  Annie sighed but smiled again when Grace did. “Maybe when he looks at Grace it reminds him of why Mamm died.” She shrugged. “I don’t know, but this sweet girl is so easy to love and cherish.”

  Jacob scrunched up his nose. “What’s that smell?”

  Annie shook her head. “Ach. Don’t you recognize it? Aenti Faye must have heated up her pickled oysters. They are awful enough cold, but when she heats them up, the smell is enough to make your stomach curdle like bad cheese. But I don’t know what we would have done without Aenti Faye. Her cooking has been challenging, but in a weird way, she’s kind of been the glue that’s held us together. And she’s the only one who can get Daed to do anything.”

  “Do you think she’ll stay on now? Since your mamm . . .” His voice trailed off along with his eyes, until they both met gazes with her father, who hadn’t moved from his spot in the corner, except to occasionally nod to a visitor.

  “I don’t know.”

  Jacob found Annie’s hand and squeezed. “I love you.”

  She smiled. “I love you too, Jacob.”

  Jacob was different in a lot of ways, quieter and a bit more subdued. But all the things she loved about him were the same. He was tender and kind, a hard worker, and as of his recent return home, more mature. He’d already told her he was getting baptized a week from Sunday, but Annie hadn’t committed to marrying him. She wanted him to take this step on his own, a true commitment to the church. Then they would decide if they were ready to commit to each other.

  “I miss Mamm so much.” Annie blinked back tears. “And this little bundle of joy is never going to know how wonderful her mudder was.”

  “We will make sure Grace knows about her mother. We’ll tell stories and share memories about your mamm.”

  Annie smiled. His choice of words wasn’t lost on her. We. As she gazed into Jacob’s eyes, she thought about everything they’d been through together, and deep in her heart, she knew they were going to be okay, no matter what life threw their way.

  Andrea dabbed concealer underneath her eye, enough that the makeup almost completely masked the yellowish-purple bruise underneath. She wasn’t going anywhere, but she didn’t like Bella to see it. Her daughter would point and say, “Boo-boo.”

  Blake had texted and apologized, saying that he’d just panicked about Andrea possibly involving the police.

  She wasn’t sure how to forgive him, so she just ignored his texts, like she and Charlotte had discussed. Her sister gave her hope that she could be a better person, a better mother. And Edna had surprised her with a story about cake and icing that had also left Andrea feeling hopeful.

  “This is a new life for us, Bella. And things are going to be different.”

  Andrea closed the compact and threw it back in her purse, along with the concealer. She’d gotten used to sitting on the couch to apply any makeup, since the window was behind her and shed some light. Then she pulled out a tray of beads for a necklace she was working on. She slid alternating pink and white balls down the string.

  “Your aunt is going to be an Amish person,” she said to Bella as her daughter chewed on the strap of Andrea’s purse. She eased the strap out of Bella’s mouth and replaced it with a teething ring. “No makeup, no music, she’ll wear Amish clothes, and . . . and no driving.” She glanced at Bella. “How are we going to get around?”

  Bella chomped on the rubber toy, and Andrea suspected Bella had another tooth coming in.

  After she finished the necklace, she tied off the end and set it alongside four others she’d made. One of the boutiques she’d taken jewelry to had sold out and requested more earrings. Andrea was happy to oblige. It wasn’t a lot of money, but you couldn’t put a price tag on self-worth. In most ways Andrea was the richest she’d ever been. Wealthy with an abundance of love. For the first time. Thanks to her sister.

  She was going to do something extra special for Charlotte.

  Twenty-One

  Charlotte rode with Hannah and Isaac to Eve’s funeral the next morning. A cold front had blown in overnight and dropped the temperatures to almost freezing. Isaac had a portable heater in his buggy, and, thankfully, most buggies had windshields. Charlotte’s teeth still chattered as they made their way to the cemetery amid a long line of buggies.

  The procession to the cemetery followed a ceremony held at the Byler’s home. Charlotte had been to Amish funerals before, so she wasn’t surprised that no one eulogized Eve, and there weren’t any flowers or music. The service had focused on the world yet to come, and the bishop also referenced the story of creation several times. Like the funerals outside of the Amish community, it was a somber occasion with almost everyone dressed in black clothing.

  “I’m sorry your parents weren’t able to come today.” Charlotte leaned over the seat in front of her so Hannah could hear her, and also so she could warm her face closer to the battery-operated heater.

  “Mamm has her gut days and her bad days.” Hannah looked over her shoulder at Charlotte. “Today isn’t a gut day, and Daed felt like he needed to be home with her. They were both sorry to miss Eve’s service, but they were glad they were able to visit the family in their home yesterday.”

  Charlotte nodded and snuggled into her coat as she leaned back against the seat. Hannah’s heart was heavy about her mother. Charlotte could hear the pain in her voice. When the time came, Charlotte had to be strong for Hannah and her family; Lena would want that. But that didn’t mean she would quit praying for Lena’s complete healing.

  She wanted to be someone Daniel could lean on today, but the distance between them had never seemed greater than yesterday during the viewing. He’d used a formality with her that was unfamiliar and avoided being around her for any length of time.

  Eve’s death had seemed to draw Jacob and Annie closer. Jacob had stayed by Annie’s side, both of them tending to Grace, and Annie smiled often despite the circumstances. Maybe Annie just cope
d differently than her brother. Or maybe Daniel had changed his mind about wanting to be with Charlotte. But was it fair to judge any relationship at a time when grief was immeasurable?

  She chose to put her swirling thoughts to rest for today. She was going to pay her respects to Eve and support the family as best she could. As they rounded the corner to the Amish cemetery, Charlotte glimpsed the hearse, a boxlike enclosed carriage, leading the procession. Daniel’s family would be following right behind it, and if the long line of buggies were traveling for an event other than a funeral, it would be a majestic sight. There was a thunderous clip-clop that sounded like an army of soldiers, the smell of manure wafting in the breeze. Charlotte estimated over a hundred buggies traveling to Eve’s final resting place.

  Daniel drove his buggy and carted Jacob and Annie with him, along with Gracie. They followed his father, whose only passenger was Aunt Faye. Daniel didn’t think he’d ever know what Aunt Faye had said to Daed that day to get him to leave the hospital, but she continued to be the only person he listened to.

  Annie cried softly in the backseat, where she had the baby wrapped up like an Eskimo. Jacob sat in the front seat with Daniel.

  “Why didn’t you ask Charlotte to ride with us?” Jacob rubbed his gloved hands together as he blew out puffs of cold air.

  Daniel turned up the small heater and shrugged. “She’s not family.”

  “Neither am I.” Jacob raised an eyebrow beneath freshly cut bangs.

  “Well, you probably will be soon enough.” Daniel twisted his mouth into a grin that probably looked sour, but Annie and Jacob had gone back and forth so many times before, who knew what would ultimately happen?

  “What about you and Charlotte?” Jacob turned to face him. “She’s getting baptized the same day I am.”