A Season of Change Read online

  When they went into the dining room, Rose’s eyes widened. There was a gorgeous layout with crisp white napkins next to blue-and-white china. Crystal water glasses were full at each of the three place settings, and there was a beautiful arrangement of orchids in the middle of the table. The dining room at The Peony Inn was beautiful, but it didn’t have a view like this. Colorful flowers in potted plants were in full bloom on a deck just outside the room. Three large windows were side by side along one wall. Rose thought about Naomi and Amos, both painters. They would love to paint this scene, she was sure.

  “You have a beautiful home, and the view in this room is stunning.” Rose instinctively walked to the large window.

  “I tinker with flowers,” Catherine said modestly as she motioned for Rose and Benjamin to sit down.

  After they’d prayed, Catherine stood up and filled Rose’s plate with casserole, salad, and buttered bread. It was way more than she would ever be able to eat.

  “So, tell me about your family. What made you move from Ohio all the way to Indiana? I’m sure Benny told you that we used to live near Bedford, but the allure of a smaller and quieter community brought us here. I’m not as close to mei kinner and their kinner, and I have to hire a driver to visit, but that’s the only downside.” She smiled, waiting for an answer.

  Rose couldn’t tell her that she’d moved here in hopes of finding a husband, which was partly true. And she didn’t want to say that she could no longer face her mother. Revealing any information about her childhood was out of the question.

  “I have relatives here, Big Roy and Katie Marie Kaufman. I stayed with them for a while before I moved to The Peony Inn to work for Esther and Lizzie.” Rose doubted that was a solid enough answer to please Catherine. “I lieb working there, and even though Esther and Lizzie aren’t blood related to me, they are like family.”

  “Do you have siblings back home?” Catherine added extra butter to her bread, the way Rose liked to do. “I’m sure you know Benny has two schweschdere.”

  “I have five bruders and two schweschdere. They’re all married. After mei daed passed, it was just me and mei mamm.” She tore the crust off one side of her bread, then remembered what Esther said—how Rose did that when she was concentrating or upset. It was an odd habit, so she forced herself to stop. “I just needed a change.”

  Catherine tipped her head to one side like she might not understand, but she didn’t push any further. “Benny tells me that you went fishing for the first time.” She brought a hand to her chest. “I was shocked you had never cast out a line. Benny fished with his daed most Saturdays, and the girls enjoyed fishing too.” She turned to her son. “Do you remember when Bethany caught that huge fish and ended up falling in the water?”

  Benjamin laughed. “Bethany is the oldest of mei two schweschdere,” he said to Rose. “She was about twelve when it happened. Mei younger schweschder, Miriam, was screaming so loud that me and mei daed ran to the pond. We thought Bethany was drowning when we saw her head bobbing up and down.” He chuckled again. “She never let go of that fishing pole, and that catfish was going ab im kopp, dragging her farther out in the pond. Daed and me jumped in the small bass boat we kept out there, and we pulled her—and the fish—in.” He looked at Rose. “It was a big fish, about five pounds.”

  “A tad bigger than the fish I caught.” Rose felt herself blushing.

  “It doesn’t matter.” Catherine smiled. “You caught one on your first try, and that’s impressive.”

  Rose listened in awe as Catherine and Benjamin—Benny as she called him—reminisced about a childhood that sounded magical compared to hers. If she kept seeing Benjamin, some day he would want to know about her life growing up. But for now, she loved listening to stories about a normal, loving family. Catherine lit up the room when she reflected on times past. Rose wanted to be the type of parent Catherine was. She wanted to give her children those types of memories, ones to be fondly reflected on years later.

  Rose didn’t have to worry about talking too much. Catherine had plenty to say, and Rose found herself wishing Catherine had been her mother, the same way she’d wished that about Esther and Lizzie. She suspected Catherine wouldn’t want someone with her background as part of her family. Rose was jumping ahead of herself again. She and Benjamin hadn’t even known each other that long. But if his kisses were any indication how he felt about her, then his feelings mirrored Rose’s.

  Benjamin didn’t seem as shy around her anymore, and Rose tended not to ramble as much as she used to. It felt like a good balance, but it was more than that. He was kind, thoughtful, and handsome—everything Rose always thought she wanted in a husband. Right now, she felt fearful of disappointing him. Maybe her bad memories should all be crammed back in the jar and never released. Did she really have to tell anyone else about her childhood? More and more, she was deciding that no was the answer. She thought about how torturous it had been to have the discussion about her family with Esther.

  By the time they finished eating, and Catherine had told plenty more stories, Rose tried to picture growing up like Benjamin, Bethany, and Miriam. How different her life might have been.

  After they’d had dessert—pecan pie and apple pie—Rose offered to help Catherine clean the kitchen, but she wouldn’t hear of it.

  Rose wanted to get home before dark, plus her mind was running on overdrive. She thanked Catherine for the meal and said she should go before night fell.

  “It has been so nice getting to know you, Rose.” Catherine hugged her. It was a real hug, not the light pat on the back kind of hugs some people gave. She wasn’t sure Benjamin’s mother knew any more about her than she did when Rose walked in the door. But Rose had learned a lot about Benjamin and his family, and she’d commented and asked questions. Perhaps that’s what Esther and Lizzie meant about being a better listener. It wasn’t about how much Rose talked or didn’t talk, but about balancing a conversation.

  After Rose thanked her for the wonderful meal and conversation, Benjamin walked with her to the buggy. She had stayed longer than she meant to, but if she set the horse in a steady trot, she could still get home before dark.

  Her emotions were all over the place. The more she recalled her childhood, the more withdrawn she felt. It seemed cruel for God to introduce her to a man she believed she could love forever. But her feelings of unworthiness had crept up on her and overwhelmed her with doubt that she could be a good mother.

  “I told you. Mei mamm is cheerful almost all of the time. Actually, she’s animated the way you are, lively . . . all things I like.” He chuckled as he untethered her horse. “Talk about marrying someone like your mudder.”

  Rose froze. She was sure the shock on her face was obvious when Benjamin locked eyes with her. “Wow. I mean . . . That just kind of came out,” he said as he gave his head a quick shake. “Um . . . wow.”

  Rose knew more than anyone how something can unintentionally slip out, but it was usually backed up by an unconscious thought, which warmed her heart. “In some ways, I can see that your mamm and I are alike.” She tried to pretend she didn’t hear the part about marriage. “She enjoys a lively conversation too.”

  “Are you okay?” Benjamin held the reins and walked closer to her. “You didn’t say much tonight, but that could be because mei mamm started telling stories, and when she does that, it’s hard to get in on the conversation.”

  “I’m fine. I had a lovely time, and I enjoyed hearing about your childhood.” I’m becoming a better listener.

  When he kissed her good night, she wished she could stay in his arms forever. Her past was catching up with her, and she worried it was going to ruin everything. Logically, she knew her memories shouldn’t define her, but as everything bubbled to the surface, she was forced to feel it and face it. Even the kiss—as wonderful as it was—felt different, like a prelude to this relationship ending before a new one could really get started. Fear was creeping into her life, and she knew the emotion blocked the voi
ce of God and would only cause her emotional grief.

  “Maybe we can spend the day together again this Saturday,” he said when she eased out of his arms.

  She forced a smile. “Maybe,” she said softly as she gave him a quick wave before getting into her buggy.

  By the time she got home, her heart was heavy and night had fallen earlier than she’d expected. Esther and Lizzie would already be asleep.

  Upstairs, she slipped into her nightgown, took her hair down, and ran a brush through the long tresses. She lay atop her covers wondering if Benjamin had just had a slip of the tongue, or if he was hoping things were progressing toward marriage someday? She hoped it was the latter.

  She glanced at the phone he had loaned her and picked it up. She held it for a while before setting it back on her nightstand. The conversation she needed to have with Benjamin wasn’t one to be had over the phone, if she even chose to divulge her past.

  As she lay back atop her covers, she tried to analyze what his reaction would be if they ever had that conversation. Would he be kind and understanding to her face, but secretly think that her past would prevent her from being a good mother someday? How could he possibly understand when he’d obviously had such an idyllic upbringing?

  With her thoughts unresolved, she closed her eyes and prayed for guidance.

  Chapter 18

  Benjamin had taken a shower not long after Rose left, so he hadn’t really had a chance to thank his mother for such a nice meal. “Danki for everything, Mamm. Supper was great,” he said as he walked into the living room.

  “I think Rose is lovely. Not as talkative as you said, but very easy to carry a conversation with.” She stowed her knitting needles and yarn in the basket next to her chair. “And I enjoyed her story about how they got rid of their creepy guest.”

  Benjamin chuckled. “Ya, I can picture Rose and Lizzie doing that.” After he stopped laughing, he said, “You didn’t exactly give her a chance to say much.”

  “Ach, Benny, I did too.”

  It was more than that, though. Aside from the mice story and a few comments, Rose was unusually quiet, and it wasn’t just because his mother had dominated the conversation. He could tell something was wrong as soon as she arrived. She was polite, but somewhat subdued. He’d written it off as her just being nervous to spend time with his mother. But the goodbye kisses weren’t the same. They were wonderful, but different in a way he couldn’t put his finger on. He wasn’t sure how much of it was because he made the comment about marrying someone like your mother, or if it was something else. Was it even fair to try to rationalize it? No one could be in a chipper mood all the time.

  He considered going out to the barn to call her, but decided against it. If something was on her mind or bothering her, maybe she needed time to sort through it.

  His mother yawned. “I’m off to bed. When you talk to Rose, please tell her again how much I enjoyed her visit.”

  Benjamin gave her a quick wave. “Ya, I will. Sleep gut.”

  He wondered again about calling Rose, but maybe he would visit her tomorrow. He did need to get his phone back, but he hated to lose the convenient communication with her.

  * * *

  Rose was taking eggs out of the refrigerator the next morning when Esther shuffled into the kitchen. “Hon, unless you’re having a craving for eggs, I say we just have some cereal.” She pulled out a chair and sat.

  Rose was glad not to cook this morning. She’d overthought things for way too long last night and hadn’t drifted off to sleep until late. She slid the eggs back in the refrigerator and took out a carton of milk.

  “I want to do something nice for Gus, but I imagine he has plenty of food still,” Rose said. She needed a distraction from her thoughts.

  “I never thought I’d hear the day when that man said he had too much food.” Esther grinned. “I guess freezing portions had never occurred to him.”

  Rose put out Esther’s homemade granola that Rose ate also, and she grabbed the box of Cap’n Crunch for Lizzie.

  “Ach, gut. Cereal for breakfast,” Lizzie said as she came into the kitchen and took a seat across from Esther. She patted the top of her cereal box. “I’ve missed you, Cap’n Crunch.” She looked at Rose, then at Esther. “Did I miss anything?”

  Rose shook her head. “Nee, not really. I was just telling Esther that I’d like to do something for Gus, but I just don’t know what. He likely has enough food . . .”

  “That’s about all that pleases Gus,” Esther said as the sun began to shine through the windows. “Food.” She stood up and went to lift the blinds in the kitchen. Her body went rigid. “Gus’s truck isn’t there.”

  “He never goes anywhere this early.” Rose said a quick prayer that Gus was all right as Esther hurried out the door to the barn.

  * * *

  Esther saw three messages on the answering machine, and her hand shook as she hit the button to listen to them.

  The first one was at eleven thirty last night. Esther, I’m in the hospital, but not in Bedford. They moved me to Bloomington. Don’t worry. I’m fine.

  Next was a message left at four this morning. Lizzie, I’m gonna need some of your blood. There was a pause. Good grief, I sound like a vampire.

  And the last recording had been left about an hour later. Tell Naomi to feed the cats. Not sure when I’ll be home.

  Esther tucked her chin and stared at the dewy grass tickling her bare feet as she crossed the yard. She stopped to collect her thoughts before she went inside.

  “Did he leave a message?” Rose asked as Esther walked into the kitchen.

  “Ya, he left three.” She recited the messages. “Lizzie, you call the hospital in Bloomington to see what you need to do. When you’re done and know more, I’ll call a driver to take us there.”

  Lizzie began spooning her cereal, shoving big bites into her mouth so fast that milk dribbled down her chin.

  Esther put her hands on her hips and shook her head.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” she said to Esther between mouthfuls. “You know how easily I lose weight. I don’t want to get there and not weigh enough.”

  Esther appreciated Lizzie’s enthusiasm about her role in Gus’s health care, so she didn’t say anything else.

  It was a while later when Lizzie returned from the barn. “They said I need to be there at eleven this morning. I asked what happened, and they said Gus showed up at the emergency room around ten last night. He was pale, running a fever, and weak. After some tests, they thought it best to move him to the Bloomington hospital. An ambulance took him there during the night. I asked how long he would be there, but they couldn’t—or wouldn’t—say. And I called a driver for us.”

  Esther put a hand across her stomach when it began to cramp. She’d learned to control her stomach ulcer most of the time. But stress occasionally set it off.

  It was decided that Rose would stay to tend to things at the inn.

  “Is there anything extra that I can do while I’m here? Perhaps I should get Gus’s clothes from the cottage and wash them, maybe tidy up the place?”

  “Gus isn’t fond of people in the cottage, but in this instance, I think washing his clothes and giving the place a good cleaning might be a gut idea. He needs to be in a clean environment when he returns from the hospital.” Esther put a finger to her chin. “I wonder if we should take him toiletries and extra clothes.”

  “Ew. I’m not going through his toiletries.” Lizzie crinkled her nose. “We have extra toothbrushes, deodorant, and things like that upstairs for guests. Let’s just take him some of that.”

  Esther nodded. She didn’t want to rummage through his things either. Rose had cleaned Gus’s cottage one other time when she’d first started and didn’t know any better. She knew what she was up against.

  They waited for Rose to run upstairs, and when she returned, she handed Esther a plastic bag. “There’s a toothbrush, paste, lavender soap, a sample size deodorant, a hair brush, and some
lotion that he might not use, but I put it in there anyway.” She also gave Esther a slip of paper as she caught her breath. “I still have Benjamin’s phone. He loaned it to me when I told him I was nervous about being by myself with Lloyd upstairs, and he let me keep it a bit longer. I don’t know how long I’ll have it, but here is the number.” She wrung her hands together. “Ach, I hope Gus is okay.”

  “He’s not okay, he’s dying.” Lizzie made the statement with little emotion attached to it, but hearing the words out loud tugged at Esther’s heart.

  “Hon, I’ll call you as soon as we know something,” she said to Rose before turning to Lizzie. “Do you have our mobile phone?”

  “Ya, it’s in mei purse. But it only has one of those little bars in the corner. We can charge it at the hospital.”

  Their driver arrived a few minutes later.

  Lizzie didn’t say much on the way to the hospital.

  “Are you nervous about giving blood?” Esther asked when they were about halfway there. Bloomington was a little farther than Bedford, about an hour’s drive from the inn.

  “Nee. They just poke you in the arm and siphon it out from what I’ve read.” Lizzie folded her hands atop her little black purse. “Robbing me of mei platelets bothers me more, but they didn’t say anything about that on the phone.”

  “It’s not too bad, giving platelets,” their driver said. Henry had been carting them around on and off in his dark-blue passenger van for years. “Eat an antacid, though.”

  Esther and Lizzie exchanged glances. “An antacid?” Lizzie asked.

  “Yeah, during the procedure you develop a weird taste in your mouth, like metal. But that’s about the only downside. At least it was for me when I donated platelets for a friend. Are you donating for anyone I know?”

  “Gus Owens,” Lizzie said as she rolled her eyes. Esther let it go. If that was the worst thing her sister did today, she could live with it.

  “Yeah, I know Gus.”