His Love Endures Forever Read online

  Levi closed the book and twisted his body in the chair to face her. “Because when you feel the Holy Spirit, or when God answers a prayer, it’s an amazing feeling, and you know you’re a part of something so much bigger than just yourself.”

  Danielle stared at him with a blank look for a few moments. “Do you see how you’re acting?”

  “What?”

  “You’re so excited talking about God.” She frowned. “And I just don’t get it. I don’t feel it, Levi. And I don’t know if I ever will.” She shook her head. “But I will never, ever do anything to interfere with your, uh . . . relationship . . . with God.”

  Levi hung his head for a moment, but quickly looked back into her beautiful green eyes, noticing the small scar on her cheek. He tried to understand how her past had affected the present and possibly their future. He’d always been taught that God had a plan. Levi wondered if he’d been in Danielle’s shoes, if he would have questioned God’s plan too. But her being tolerant of his relationship with God just wasn’t enough. He wanted her to know God; anything less was cheating herself out of the most beautiful part of life.

  “Will you do me a favor?” Levi reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers.

  She smiled. “I’ll do anything for you.”

  “Pray with me, then.”

  He felt her try and edge away, but he kept a firm hold, pretending like he didn’t notice.

  “Oh, okay.” She bit her lip again for a second. “But you’ll have to do all the talking.”

  Levi smiled. “No problem.” He bowed his head, unsure if she was doing the same. He closed his eyes, and before he spoke aloud, he prayed that the Lord would touch Danielle somehow, that He would give Levi the right words to get through to her.

  “My dear Lord in heaven, today I thank You for Your many blessings . . . for Danielle, and for our baby Joshua, a true miracle and gift. I pray, Lord, that You will guide our hands to be gut parents and that we will raise our kinner according to . . .” Levi had almost said the Ordnung when he remembered that their children wouldn’t be raised Amish. “To be gut Christians. I pray that You will bless our food, the work of our hands, and that we will be generous and kind to all those we meet. I ask You to bless this new home of ours and all who come here. And, Lord, I pray that You will bless my marriage to Danielle. Please keep Your hand on us and help us to stay on the path You’ve chosen for us. Amen.”

  Within a matter of seconds, Danielle had jumped from her rocking chair and into Levi’s lap. She buried her head against his chest.

  “Ladybug?” He tried to ease her away, but she kept her face against his shirt, now damp with her tears. “Danielle, what is it? Why are you crying?” He ran a hand the length of her hair. “Tell me.”

  She kept her head buried in his chest as she mumbled, “I don’t know.”

  “Did I say something in my prayer that upset you?” He tried again to get her to sit up and look at him, but she clung to his shirt and kept her face buried.

  She shook her head. “No, Levi. You didn’t upset me. I just feel . . . emotional.”

  Levi pulled her closer. “That’s a gut thing.” Levi smiled, stroking her hair. “Sometimes, I think when God is reaching out to us, it can be a little overwhelming.”

  She eased away, and Levi began to kiss away her tears.

  “I’m sorry I’m crying.” She swiped at her eyes. “I must seem dumb.”

  Levi smiled before he kissed her on the mouth. “No. It’s not dumb at all.”

  “I just . . .” She shrugged. “I don’t know how to explain it, so can we not talk about it anymore?”

  “Okay.”

  She buried her face in his chest again. Levi knew that his new wife might not realize it yet, but the hand of the Lord was on her. It always had been. But maybe this was the first time that she felt Him near.

  What an amazing feeling.

  Levi pulled her closer. Thank You, Lord. Thank You, thank You . . .

  AN HOUR LATER, Danielle was at her little church, sitting in the front row. She’d told Levi that she was going to the store for milk, and that was true. But now here she was. Unsure why. Again.

  She took a deep breath, crossed her legs, and stared at the front of the church. As she kicked her foot into action, her thoughts were awhirl. When Levi had prayed for them, she’d felt hopeful, but scared at the same time. What if she allowed God into her heart and He let her down again? Was the payoff worth the risk?

  And what was in the back of her mind, something that seemed buried in the memories of life with her mother? It was like a seed that had sprouted and was climbing through thick soil, stretching for daylight, but never quite making it to the surface. Sometimes, like today with Levi, it felt like the topsoil was beginning to loosen and crack, but the light still seemed out of reach.

  God, was I a bad child?

  It was the only thing that came to mind.

  She could barely remember when her father was alive, even though she was eleven when he died. Why was that? She knew she’d felt loved when he was around, which was far too seldom. He’d worked a lot. But why couldn’t she remember much else?

  I’m going to go now. I’ll probably come back.

  She stood up and walked out of the church.

  LEVI ANSWERED THE door, excited to see Emily, and even more excited that she was carrying a large bag. “I hope that’s food.” He rubbed his hands together before he pulled her into a hug.

  “Ya. It is. Mamm said you looked thin at worship service.”

  Levi eased away from Emily and closed the door behind her, giving it a hard kick. “She barely spoke to me or Danielle.”

  “It will take her some time, Levi. She’ll come around.” Emily handed him the bag. “Is Danielle here?”

  “Nee. She went to town to get milk. She’ll be back soon. Doesn’t take long when you have a car.” He offered a weak smile, a little embarrassed by the luxury. Then he remembered the way the kitchen looked. He scooped up the paper plates and glasses on the floor in the living room. “Here, sit. I’ll put this in the kitchen and be right back.”

  Levi hurried to the kitchen, put the bag on the counter, and stuffed the plates in the garbage. When he turned around, Emily was standing in the doorway.

  “Sorry about the mess.” Levi glanced around the kitchen.

  “Ach, it’s okay.” Emily smiled. “I stopped by unannounced.”

  Levi shook his head. “It’s not okay, but I don’t know what to do about it.” He walked to where his sister was standing and whispered . . . even though no one else was around. “I don’t think Danielle knows how to clean house.”

  Emily grimaced. “Really?”

  Levi waved a hand toward the sink full of dishes. “Or this just doesn’t bother her. I don’t know. And I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but . . .”

  Emily untied her black bonnet and pulled it off her head, then straightened her white prayer covering. “Maybe she wasn’t taught how to clean properly.”

  “I don’t know.” Levi shook his head. “Martha kept a neat house, but I think she had to stay on Danielle about cleaning up after herself. Danielle’s mentioned that.”

  “Maybe she’s just tired. I hear that pregnant women are tired a lot.” His sister got a faraway look in her eyes. Levi knew how much Emily and David wanted a baby, and it just hadn’t happened yet.

  “So, what’s in the bag?” Levi tapped the brown paper bag, then took a peek inside, inhaling deeply. “Bread. I’m so thankful.”

  “And some chicken and rice casserole and a pecan pie.” Emily frowned. “Does it hurt Danielle’s feelings when I bring food?”

  Levi laughed. “Nee. I think she’s as grateful as I am.” He faced his sister. “If you ever have time, maybe you can teach her some of Mamm’s recipes? She’s been trying to make bread, but it never comes out. We eat lots of food out of boxes and from the freezer. And what I wouldn’t do to have some meatloaf . . .”

  “I’ll be happy to.” Emily nodded
at the lantern Levi kept on the kitchen counter. “How is Danielle handling not having electricity?”

  “Doesn’t really seem to bother her. She charges her cell phone in Martha’s car when she comes to visit or at their house when she goes there. And I told her I liked her hair with the natural wave, so she doesn’t straighten it with that iron anymore when she’s at Martha’s.” He pulled the bread out of the bag as he talked. “But I did tell her I’d put in some solar panels when I can afford it.”

  Emily grinned. “Well, since you’re in the business, I’m sure Daed will give you a gut deal.”

  Levi leaned against the counter. “I guess I’m enjoying living the way I used to live for as long as I can.”

  Emily touched Levi on the arm. “I know all of this is new and strange for you, Levi. But I continue to pray for you every day. I think what you’re doing is honorable. And you will be a gut father.”

  “It’s a boy.” Levi smiled. “We went to the Englisch doctor today, and they told us we’re having a boy. We’re naming him Joshua.” He knew pride was a sin, but the feeling was abundant just the same.

  Emily wrapped him in her arms for a quick hug. “Ach, that’s wonderful, Levi. Joshua will be a lucky little boy to have you in his life.” She stepped back. “Now, I need to go. Enjoy the food, and tell Danielle that I will be happy to show her how to make bread and some of your favorite recipes. If you’re sure she’d welcome that idea.”

  “Danki, Emily.” He followed her out of the kitchen and through the living room to the front door.

  “No problem. I don’t have anything else to do.” She sighed.

  “God will bless you with kinner soon. I know it.”

  Levi watched Emily walk to her buggy, and he thought about everything she’d been through. The rape back in Middlefield, her enduring the trial. It had been a horrible time for all of them. Emily still had a small scar above her eyebrow from the incident, about the same size as the scar on Danielle’s cheek. But God had lovingly healed Emily and sent David into her life. They were a wonderful couple, and Levi was going to remember to say an extra prayer for his sister, that the Lord would bless them with children soon.

  For the first time, he thought about the similarities between Emily and Danielle. In so many ways, they weren’t anything alike, at least not to someone who didn’t know them. But they’d both suffered abuse. Levi tried to picture Danielle being abused over and over again. The thought caused his jaw to tighten as his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

  Levi hoped he never laid eyes on Danielle’s mother. His new wife hardly ever mentioned her, and he hoped Danielle was healing, but Levi wasn’t sure he could keep in accordance with the Ordnung around the woman.

  Once again, he remembered. I’m not Amish.

  And that thought weighed heavily on him. He wondered if he’d ever stop feeling that way. He’d preached to everyone about how he could take his faith with him wherever he went, and he had, but his heart hurt, knowing that he was leaving behind the tradition of his people. A way of life he loved.

  Danielle walked in the door, her eyes wet with tears. He’d been so lost in thought, he hadn’t heard the car pull up.

  “What is it?” he asked, pulling her into his arms. “What’s wrong?”

  She clung to him. “I stopped by Martha and Arnold’s on the way home. I got a letter from my mother.”

  Sixteen

  LEVI HELD HIS WIFE FOR A WHILE LONGER AS SHE cried. When she finally eased away, she sniffled and pushed the envelope in his direction.

  Levi took it. “Is she sorry about everything, asking for forgiveness?” Levi knew that forgiveness wouldn’t come easy for Danielle.

  “Just read it.” She swiped at her eyes, sniffling again.

  Levi pulled the letter out and read it.

  Danielle,

  I’ve met someone. He’s a wonderful man, like your father was. His name is Louis, and we’re getting married on August 12. I know that’s only a month away, but neither of us want to wait. I’ve told him all about you, and I can’t wait for you to meet him. He’s changed me, Danielle. We go to church every Sunday. Louis has been such a positive influence in my life, and the Lord blessed me with this second chance.

  I know we had to walk separate paths for a while, but isn’t it time we come back together again? This is an exciting time in my life, and I’d really like for you to be a part of it. Hope to hear from you soon.

  Love,

  Mom

  Levi had never met Vivian, but this wasn’t what he expected. If she had truly changed, wouldn’t she be seeking forgiveness for the way she’d treated Danielle over the years? It didn’t seem like Vivian was even aware of the damage she had caused, physically or emotionally. But when Levi’s eyes met his wife’s, he knew that if Danielle really desired healing, she was going to have to forgive her mother, even if her mother wasn’t ready to ask for it.

  Danielle’s bottom lip trembled. “I hate her.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “Yes, I do.” She spit the words out, gritting her teeth. Then she started to cry again. “Did you read that?” She pointed toward the note in his hands. “Do you see, now, how she is? How self-serving . . . The whole world revolves around her! And where do the rest of us land? We’re nothing but garbage in the road.”

  “Maybe this was a first step for her.” He cupped his wife’s cheek. “Maybe she’s working her way toward asking for your forgiveness.”

  Danielle stepped back and away from him. “I would think that’d be her first goal if she wants to have a relationship with me.” She waved a hand in the air. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t forgive her. I don’t want her in my life. And I’m definitely not writing her back.”

  Levi’s feet were rooted to the wood floor, unsure what to do. He watched her walk around the corner, heading toward their bedroom. Slowly, he followed her, praying the entire time.

  VERA WAS JUST finishing a dress for Betsy when she heard a knock at the door. “Betsy, run and get that. I’ll be there in a minute.” She bit the thread with her teeth and put the dress down on her sewing table. By the time she reached the living room, Betsy had the door open.

  “I’ve told you over and over that you don’t have to knock.” Vera pulled Emily into a hug, quickly stepping back. “Now tell me. How is your bruder?”

  “He’s gut, Mamm. I took him some more food.”

  Vera put a hand to her chest. “Ach, gut. That girl isn’t feeding him.”

  Emily sat down on the couch. “Apparently Danielle doesn’t really know how to cook. Levi said that they eat things out of boxes or out of the freezer.”

  Vera gasped, shaking her head. “Our poor boy.” She sat down next to Emily and put her head in her hands.

  “He seems happy, though, Mamm. I think he really loves Danielle.”

  Vera slowly raised her head and folded her hands in her lap. “I don’t know how he can be happy living in that run-down house and eating food from boxes.”

  “Mamm . . .” Emily laid a hand on Vera’s. “We need to gather a group together and go help them get the inside of that haus in order. Maybe that’d inspire her to learn how to cook? I know Jacob, Arnold, and some others have helped Levi with the outside, but . . . they need a lot of help with the inside.”

  “I’m not an evil person, Emily. Of course we’ll help them.” Vera raised her chin and pressed her lips together.

  “Then why haven’t you been over there?”

  “I will. Soon.”

  Emily stood up from the couch. “I hope you will. I sense that Levi feels a bit lost, making his way. I’m sure he would enjoy a visit from you.” She walked toward the door. “I can’t stay. I just dropped by because you wanted to know about Levi. I’ve got a stack of sewing and mending I need to get to.”

  “I’m sure he does feel lost,” Vera mumbled as she rose and followed Emily to the door. “He’s stepped so far off of God’s path that he’s knee-deep in—”

  �
��Mamm.” Emily spun around. “It’s not for you to decide God’s plan for Levi’s life. Levi said he felt called to marry Danielle and raise this child. You need to accept him at his word.”

  Vera put her hands on her hips, looked at the floor, and shook her head. She knew in her mind that Emily was right, but the steps to get her heart in line weren’t coming easily. Every time she felt she was getting closer, she found herself wishing it was all a nightmare from which she’d wake soon. But it wasn’t. It was her son’s new life. And she didn’t want to lose him entirely. Emily was right . . . “I will pay them a visit soon.”

  “When?”

  “This week. Or next, at the latest.”

  Vera watched her daughter drive away in her buggy, thanking God that both Emily and Jacob had chosen gut Amish spouses and that they were living their lives the way God intended by following the Ordnung. She was praying extra hard that young Betsy would follow in their footsteps.

  Because if two of her children left the Order, she just might have a heart attack.

  A WEEK LATER, Danielle sat down to write her mother a letter. No matter how many letters she wrote, Danielle didn’t think she’d ever heal. She stared out the window, watching as the leaves on the tree rustled in the wind. It wasn’t the physical abuse . . . even the memory of her mother’s harsh slaps across the face and fists against her back now seemed like a grainy documentary. For Danielle, it was the lack of love. Her mother’s ability to walk away from her and never return, never call. Even in the face of Martha’s wrath and threats, didn’t a mother who loved a child do something to reach out?

  And yet she’d had the audacity to sign the letter Love, Mom.

  Danielle started to write four times, then wadded up the paper and aimed for the trash can across the room, missing all four times. Standing up, she went to another window and raised a tattered shade all the way up so she’d have more light at the kitchen table. Surprisingly, the lack of electricity hadn’t bothered her all that much. Except she did miss a microwave for reheating food. And television.