A Reunion of Hearts Page 6

  Gideon looked up and walked toward her, his eyes widening in false innocence. “Ruth—”

  “No.” Ruth shook her head, then she picked up the faceless doll. “You don’t owe me any explanations.” She bit her lip until she thought it might bleed. “I’m going to walk back to Esther’s.” She turned to leave, but Gideon grabbed her arm.

  “It’s not what you think. It’s only been a few dates.”

  She cringed at the word dates and fought the vision of Gideon in someone else’s arms. She shook loose of him and hurried to the front door. She didn’t turn around, even when he called out to her.

  She’d barely made it out the door before she started to run.

  Then the tears fell full force.

  CHAPTER 8

  Gideon sat in his truck and stared at the house where he, Grace, and Ruth had made so many happy memories. Then he looked down at his phone, thinking the timing couldn’t have been any worse. Was that God’s way of telling him that he and Ruth couldn’t go backward? Or maybe it was a reminder that, while Gideon wasn’t committed to Cheryl, he’d kissed her, more than once. He had only talked to her once since he arrived in Lancaster County to let her know he was safe. In Cheryl’s voice mail, she said she missed him.

  He’d been about to kiss Ruth. Then how would he have felt about himself, especially after seeing Cheryl’s text and hearing her voice mail? He started his truck and slowly pulled out of the driveway.

  By the time Gideon returned to his father’s house, he was barely able to contain his emotions, which were all over the place and strangling him. When he walked inside, his father straightened in his recliner and lowered the newspaper.

  “How did things go today?” Gideon’s father removed his reading glasses.

  Gideon pulled off his shoes at the door, although he didn’t see what the point was. The place was a wreck. A little shoe dirt would go unnoticed.

  He walked to the couch, sat down, and sighed. “As good as could be expected, I guess.” It had been a long day packed with too much emotion. He and Ruth should have eased into things, maybe the cemetery today, visiting the house tomorrow, and so on. It was no wonder he was on emotional overload.

  Since he’d been home, he thought about his mother a lot, too, and how much he missed her. Being back in the house he’d grown up in gave him comfort in some ways. Seeing his mother’s trinkets and things around the house brought back fond memories. But seeing how the house and his father had deteriorated made him regret he hadn’t visited sooner. Was this the way his father had processed his grief, by just shutting down? Would Gideon have ended up like his dad if he’d stayed?

  His renewed affections for Ruth were causing his insides to swirl with confusion. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on the good parts of the day, like the picnic with Becky and facing some of his fears. He’d been afraid to visit his daughter’s grave. Did God’s perfect timing have something to do with Ruth being there? He thought about the not-so-perfect timing of Cheryl’s call and sighed again.

  He forced himself to push on and recalled the joy he’d found being with Ruth, laughing and sharing stories about Grace. And Becky had also been a bright light in the day. But even those precious moments were clouded with thoughts of Ruth and how she ran from him.

  “I’m going to leave tomorrow.” Gideon leaned against the couch and folded his arms across his chest. “I’m not going to stay for the reunion.”

  His father stared at him. Gideon waited for him to talk him out of it. “I thought you said it went as gut as could be expected.”

  Gideon shook his head before he ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, well, I don’t know what I expected.” He’d known it would be hard to visit Grace and the house. What he hadn’t anticipated was his rekindled feelings for Ruth.

  In some ways, things had changed—geography, their jobs, they drove cars, and they lived with electricity. Their grief would always be present, but it seemed more manageable now. But they were the same in a lot of ways too. They’d both carried their faith with them and stayed true to the belief that everything is God’s will, even the most difficult experience of their lives.

  Gideon could spin it a dozen different ways. Too much time had gone by to try to reclaim his life with Ruth. Had she wanted that? Not only did she think he was coming here to put the house on the market and visit his mother and Grace but was she hoping for a reconciliation after all these years? He shook his head and tried to clear his mind.

  “I’m going to pay someone to clean up the house and do the repairs. I’m not sure it’s healthy for me to be here.” Gideon thought about how Ruth had left him to pack up everything five years ago. Now he’d be leaving her to go through it all. He didn’t feel good about that, but being around her and not being able to be with her the way he wanted to would be torture.

  His father stared at him with questioning eyes. Part of Gideon wanted his father to talk him out of the decision. Probably just as much as Gideon wanted to scream at his father and tell him to start living again. But there seemed to be an unspoken respect that allowed a man to grieve however he saw fit.

  Gideon turned around and shook his head. “There’s nothing here for me.” He started walking toward the front door. He needed to go outside and call Cheryl. Maybe if he heard her voice, he’d realize he missed her, too, and that going back to Ohio would allow him to see where things were headed with her.

  “I’m here,” his father said softly.

  Gideon slowly turned around, and the glassy-eyed look in his father’s eyes was almost enough to make him stay. “I’m sorry. I promise I’ll visit more.” He wasn’t sure if it was a lie or not.

  The old man’s bottom lip quivered.

  Gideon wrote to his father often, checked to make sure he was keeping doctor appointments and taking his medication. He raised his shoulders, held them there for a while, then dropped them until his arms sagged on either side of him. It wasn’t until he processed the thought that he had to admit how little he had done for his father.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t done more.” Gideon decided this day was never going to end, and the roller coaster of emotions caused a heaviness in his chest. As guilt about his father crept into the mix, he sat down on the couch, leaned his elbows to his knees, and held his head in his hands.

  His father pressed his lips together as his chest rose and he took a deep breath. “I enjoy the letters from you and Ruth, but I would still like to see you more.”

  Gideon’s mouth fell open. He should have known Ruth would keep in touch with her father-in-law even if she didn’t visit.

  “I’ll visit more often.” Gideon scratched his forehead, his eyes on his shoes, then he looked up at his father and knew that he wasn’t lying to the man. He would come to Lancaster County regularly.

  “The last thing I want is for you to end up like me. But you are well on your way if you don’t do a little soul searching while you’re here.”

  “Soul searching? I came here to visit my daughter’s grave. I forced myself to go into her room today, to go through her things. I spent the day with the woman I still love.” He looked up at his father, who raised an eyebrow. “How can that even be true after so much time has passed?”

  His father looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders. “Why can’t it be true? With the exception of me and your mudder, I don’t think I’ve ever known two people more in leib than you and Ruth. Even after twelve years of marriage, you carried on like giddy teenagers. You might be able to make a gut life for yourself where you live now.” He held up a finger. “But is it the best life, the one Gott planned for you?”

  Gideon’s heart hurt on so many levels. No wonder he hadn’t come home sooner. He looked at the ceiling, filled his lungs with musty air, then blew it out slowly. “Daed . . .” He spoke softly. “Are you living the life God planned out for you? Not going to church. Bitter all of the time.” He waved a hand around the living room. “Living like this.”

  His father stared at him
for several moments. “Nee, Gideon. I am not. And that is my burden to bear. But a parent doesn’t want to see his or her child end up in such a state.” His father hung his head before he looked back up at Gideon, his eyes moist. Then his father left and closed the door to his bedroom behind him.

  Gideon just sat there and held his throbbing head. It was too late for him and Ruth, no matter what kind of hormones were acting up when they were around each other. Too much time had gone by. He squeezed his eyes together, and he could see her sitting next to him in Grace’s room and the way she ran from him, maybe scared of what she was experiencing, like Gideon.

  He reached for his phone when it buzzed. This time he answered Cheryl’s call. She’d give him the sense of normalcy he needed right now. Maybe she’d tell him about her day or what she was making for supper.

  And that’s pretty much what she did. Then she asked about his day.

  “It was hard, but I’m glad I came.” He took a deep breath, unsure if that was true. “I’ve decided to hire someone to get the house ready to sell. I’ve seen most everyone I need to see, so I’m coming home tomorrow. I don’t see a reason to stay for the reunion.”

  “Are you sure?” Cheryl’s voice was sweet and concerned. She really was a good person.

  “I’m sure.” He squeezed his eyes shut, picturing him and Cheryl eating a pizza in front of the TV soon or going out for a burger. He was craving normalcy, a routine that was less confusing.

  He thought about how God gives us pain and sorrow but also gifts us with unexpected and wonderful joy. Gideon had already experienced that. Was God giving him another chance at happiness? Was Gideon running away from it or toward it?

  Ruth feigned a stomachache and skipped supper. It wasn’t really a lie. Her stomach had been tied in knots since she’d run away from Gideon. All this time, she avoided him because she thought seeing him would be too painful. Now that she’d seen him, he was all she could think about.

  When she awoke the next morning, after only a few hours of fitful sleep, she lay in bed for a while in the guest bedroom that had once been hers, Grace’s faceless doll tucked in tightly beside her. Yawning, she got up and readied herself for breakfast when she smelled bacon cooking. She carried the doll downstairs, hiding it behind her back when she saw Becky already seated at the table.

  “Where’s Amos?” Ruth stood in the doorway to the kitchen as Esther flipped bacon.

  “He went with two other men this morning to look at a horse.” Esther peered over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. “I think the horses we have are fine, but . . .” She shrugged.

  “What’s behind your back?” Becky grinned up at Ruth from her spot at the table.

  “Who me?” Ruth smiled and held the doll out to Becky.

  “Was she Grace’s?” The little girl’s bright eyes widened.

  “Ya, she was.” Then she spoke to Becky in their native dialect and told her where they had gotten the doll and how much Grace loved it.

  Becky let out a loud gasp. “I will love her forever.”

  Ruth reached for a piece of bacon as she slid onto a chair. She silently thanked God for His blessings before she took a bite, glad she had a bit more appetite this morning.

  “I feel like your time here is flying by. I wish you could stay longer.” Esther nodded at Becky, then looked back at Ruth. “And I want to hear all about yesterday when the time is right.”

  “Maybe I’ll stay a few extra days after the reunion. I don’t think it will cost much to change my ticket home.” A tinge of guilt wrapped around her. As much as she wanted to spend time with Esther, Becky, and Amos, it was Gideon she wanted to see the most.

  It felt like self-torture, which was the reason she ran from him the day before. If he had kissed her, things wouldn’t have stopped there. There was still a spark leftover from a passionate marriage, and being with him fanned the flame. Gideon had someone else now, but her desire to see him pulled at her. Maybe she should rethink her decision not to help him clean the house tomorrow. They weren’t teenagers, and they should be able to control themselves.

  “It would be great if you can stay longer.” Esther set a bowl of eggs on the table next to a plate of biscuits, then she sat down, and they all bowed their heads. When Esther looked up, she said softly, “I wish you didn’t have to leave at all.”

  Ruth took a biscuit and put it on her plate, then glanced around the kitchen as she thought of the wonderful memories she had from this house. “My life is very different now.”

  Esther smiled. “Is it?” She paused to butter a roll. “Aside from your office job and living so far away, what’s different about it?”

  Ruth widened her eyes as her jaw dropped for a couple of seconds. Didn’t her sister see the obvious? “Esther, I have electricity at my apartment. I drive a car. I go to movies. I wear jeans.” She recalled the learning curve she’d had when it came to computers and the time she spent learning basic bookkeeping, one of the things Gideon had handled prior to their split. He’d always done construction work, but her husband had also handled the paperwork that went along with running a business.

  Esther gave Ruth a gentle smile. “Those are things and circumstances that have changed, but it doesn’t mean you’ve changed.” She lifted a hand to her heart. “Inside, I don’t think you’ve changed much at all.”

  Ruth was pondering her sister’s comment when Becky held up the doll. “I’m going to call her Beatrice if that’s okay with you.” She looked at Ruth.

  “Of course. You call her whatever you like.” Ruth stood and retrieved her phone from where she’d left it on the kitchen counter. “I’ll need to go charge my phone sometime today.” She found and opened Google and pulled up the site she was looking for.

  “Becky, I decided to look up the name Beatrice since you like it so much. Do you know what it means?”

  Becky shook her head.

  “It means ‘she who makes happy’ or ‘bringer of joy.’”

  Esther smiled. “That’s mei boppli, someone who makes people happy just with her presence.” She leaned over and kissed her daughter.

  Ruth waited for the sting she knew would come after the reminder that she can’t kiss Grace like that anymore. Instead, there was nothing but joy for Esther and Becky. So many times Ruth had wondered how she would feel if she came back here. She’d never forget Grace, but perhaps time had helped. Time and little girls like Becky and sisters like Esther.

  As she watched Esther and Becky, a deep sense of sadness filled her. She had so many regrets that she hadn’t visited over the years. Her parents were getting up in age as well.

  “What’s wrong Aenti Ruth?” Becky jumped up, toting her doll, and walked around the table to where Ruth was sitting. “You look like you’re about to cry.”

  Ruth forced a smile. “I don’t think it’s anything a hug won’t fix.”

  Becky wrapped her arms around Ruth’s neck. “Everything’s going to be all right. You’ll see.” She eased away and kissed Ruth on the cheek.

  I hope you’re right.

  After Becky left the kitchen, Ruth helped her sister clean the dishes, then they each grabbed a cup of coffee and sat back down at the kitchen table.

  Ruth chuckled. “Where in the world did Becky hear a name like Beatrice?”

  Esther rolled her eyes. “It was in a book of Bible stories, and the narrator is named Beatrice. Every time I read it to her, Becky says she’s going to name her first daughter Beatrice.” She shook her head. “I’m hoping that by naming the doll Beatrice, maybe she’ll decide on a more traditional Amish name by the time she has kinner.”

  Esther put a hand on Ruth’s. “I know it must have been a long and exhausting day yesterday, and I want to hear everything.”

  Ruth shared the events of the previous day, not skipping a single detail. When she finished, Esther was almost in tears.

  “It’s so hard to understand Gott’s plan for our lives. Do you think there is a chance for you and Gideon? You don’t know how
serious it is with the woman he’s seeing.”

  “He said they’d only been on a few dates. But, now that I know that, I don’t know if we can recapture what we had.” Ruth’s voice cracked as she spoke.

  “It sounds like you already have.” Esther smiled.

  CHAPTER 9

  On Saturday Ruth enjoyed visiting with relatives she hadn’t seen in years. Some had arrived a few days ago, and others were just getting there this morning. Each family brought several dishes, and the variety was wonderful, although Ruth wasn’t sure she’d ever seen so much homemade bread. It seemed like each family brought at least a couple of loaves. Ruth thought about how she still made her mother’s bread recipe in Florida.

  Everyone was hopped-up about a return visit in the fall for Ben and Annie’s wedding. It would probably draw three hundred people, the same way Ruth and Gideon’s had. There would be enormous amounts of food, and while the gifts wouldn’t be expensive, they would be plentiful.

  Even with wedding joy in the air and the reunion in full swing at Esther and Amos’s house, two people were missing. Gideon and his father. Ruth hadn’t seen John Beiler since her arrival. She already knew from the letters they exchanged that he was a bit of a recluse, even though that wasn’t the word John used. He didn’t go to church and was rarely seen outside his house. Occasionally, someone would mention seeing him at the market. Ruth wondered who cooked for him. Had he learned how to cook, do laundry, and other things Mae had done before she died?

  Ruth stayed at the reunion long enough after the meal that she wouldn’t appear rude when she found Esther. “I know I should help you clean all of this up, but I’d really like to go see John Beiler.”

  Esther waved a dismissive hand. “Go. Look around. All of these women will stay for cleanup. You won’t be missed.” She paused, sighing. “I didn’t expect John to show up, but I’m surprised Gideon isn’t here. I thought it was part of the reason he came home.”