A Season of Change Page 22

  When they arrived at Gus’s room, Esther knocked on the door. “Should I wait out here?” Rose asked.

  “Nee, I’m sure he will be happy to see you.” She smirked. “Because you know Gus is always delighted to visit with anyone.”

  Rose grinned, glad that Esther was able to hold on to a fragment of her sense of humor during such a sorrowful time.

  She held back as Esther moved closer to Gus. He was sitting up in bed, and Rose couldn’t help but think he didn’t look like a dying man. Thinner for sure, and all the tubes and beeping noises were unsettling. And there was an empty tray of food on the bedside table.

  “Ach, you’re looking much better today. More color in your face.” Esther set the pie on a small table in the corner that had two chairs on either side. “And this room is so much nicer than that small space in ICU.”

  “I hope that’s a chocolate pie.” He scowled at Rose. “Why are you here?”

  “I-I can wait outside.” She rushed to leave, knowing she shouldn’t be surprised at Gus’s reaction, but it stung just the same.

  * * *

  “Rose made the journey with me so I wouldn’t have to travel alone.” Esther thrust her hands to her hips. “Which I appreciate, and you need to apologize to her.”

  His mouth took on an unpleasant twist. “If I’m being mean, it’s because I have your crazy sister’s blood traveling through my veins.”

  Esther pulled out a chair and sat. “That’s ridiculous, and you know it. Lizzie’s blood has put color back in your face. Do you feel better today?”

  He scratched his head. His gray hair was pulled back in the usual ponytail, and his beard of the same color needed a trim. “I don’t like being here, Esther. I ain’t ever gonna see my home or my cats again. Whiskers will be especially lost when I croak. Stupid cat sleeps with me.”

  “I don’t think you’re going to . . . croak. You’re not in a hospice facility, and release from ICU to a regular room is a gut thing.”

  “I’m only here because those hospice places are full.” He started to cough, so Esther reached for the glass of water by the bed, but he shook his head. “Esther, we need to get busy with your God stuff. I have been practicing talking to Him. He ain’t listening.”

  Esther twisted her hands in her lap. Perhaps this was too big a task for her, but she was going to do her best. “Gott always hears you, and He always answers. It might not be the answer you want to hear, but He will not forsake you.”

  “He’s forsaken me for years, and as much as I’d like to avoid the hot spot, I don’t see how I’m worthy enough to be considered for residency at the other place.” He pointed his finger upward.

  “Gus, none of us are worthy. We are all sinners finding our way and doing the best we can. Lesson number one: you forgive yourself and release any shame you are carting around.” Esther thought about Rose, who should probably be in on this conversation. “The weight of your past will wear you down.”

  “I’m already worn down. I’m dying.” Gus rolled his eyes.

  Esther took a deep breath and blew it out slowly in an effort to remain calm. “I don’t know what you have done throughout your life, and there is no need to tell me.” She surely didn’t want to know. “But you ask Gott to forgive you for those deeds.”

  “I’ve been doing that repeatedly all morning. But I don’t feel any different.”

  “It takes time to develop a relationship with the Lord.”

  “Well, it’s obvious I don’t have a lot of time.” He coughed some more.

  Esther unzipped her purse and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “I’ve written down some scriptures from the Bible that I think might help you.” She handed it to him, and he hesitated but slowly unfolded the paper and began to read.

  Revelation 21:4. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. Psalm 34:18. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 147:3. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

  Gus turned the paper over. Both sides were filled with scriptures Esther had carefully chosen. “And you think these will help me?”

  “I do.” Again, she considered this might be too big a project for her. “Gus, do you have a religious preference? Maybe you would prefer to have a member of clergy speak with you?”

  “No.” His voice held a rasp of irritation. “They’ve already sent more holy men in here than I care to count—Catholics, Lutherans, Baptists, Methodists, and others.” He folded his arms over his stomach beneath the covers. “Esther, you giving up on me already?”

  She rubbed the back of her neck. “Nee, I’m not giving up on you. But I’m not really qualified to help you find the Lord. There are people who specialize in ministry.”

  He gazed into her eyes so intensely that Esther could almost feel his fear. “You’re the holiest person I know. If you can’t help me, I’m a goner for sure.” He rolled his eyes again. “I know I’m a goner, but . . . you know what I mean.” He glanced around the room. “This place is so depressing. Everything is white. The walls are white, the tables are white, the sheets and blankets are white.” He leaned his head over the side of the bed. “Even the floors are white.”

  Esther glanced at the tile before looking back at him. “It isn’t ideal, but on mei next visit, I will bring you some flowers, if that’s allowed, to brighten up the place.”

  “When is your next visit?” There was a faint tremor of emotion in his voice.

  “I can’t come every day, but I will visit often.”

  “How often?” His voice broke in a hoarse whisper as he reached for the water and took a sip.

  “As often as I can. But remember, there are others who want to visit you too. All those I listed as family, remember? Lizzie is putting together a schedule for everyone. You won’t be alone, Gus. You have people who care about you. I know you don’t know Amos as well as the others, but he would like to come see you also. And I know Jayce will visit as much as he can.”

  “I’m sure wacky Lizzie isn’t on that list,” he grumbled under his breath.

  “Maybe if you stop calling her crazy and wacky, she’d agree to come see you. But from now on, you will not refer to her in that way, or I’m not coming back.” She raised her chin and gave him the sternest expression she could muster.

  His glare burned through her. “You’d do that? Quit coming?”

  “Ya, Gus, I will quit coming if you are going to be unpleasant or speak ugly about people I love, and that includes Lizzie.”

  “Fine.” His lips thinned with irritation.

  Esther cleared her throat. “It would be nice of you to speak kindly to Rose, who is waiting outside. It would also be gut practice for you, a drill of how you should speak to everyone. I’ll be your coach.”

  “Fine,” he repeated before he let out a heavy sigh.

  Esther went to the door and peeked her head outside. “Come in, hon. Gus would like to see you.”

  Rose blinked her eyes and looked a bit baffled, but she followed Esther into the room.

  “Hey, Rose Petal.” Even though his mouth was set in annoyance at first, one corner slowly lifted.

  “How many times have I told you not to call her that?” Esther shook her head.

  “It’s okay.” Rose moved closer to the bed. “I’ve never really minded. It’s rather endearing, actually. So if you want to call me Rose Petal, I’m fine with that. And—”

  “Got it.” Gus held up a palm to shush the girl, then he frowned. “What’s wrong with you? You’re all pale and have dark circles under your eyes.”

  “I-I’m just working through some things.” Rose folded her hands in front of her and avoided Gus’s probing eyes.

  “Well, don’t take too long. Life tends to catch up with you. Before you know it, you’ll be old and dying like me.”

  Esther wanted to ask Gus to quit saying how he was dying all the time, but he seemed to have Rose’s attention.

  “Is it about that fellow I saw you canoodling with at m
y fishing spot?” His eyebrows drew into a frown.

  Rose glanced at Esther, who stayed quiet.

  “A little. It’s also about mei family and mei childhood. I’m analyzing some things.” She looked away from him as her face turned red. Esther was surprised Rose had shared such personal details.

  Gus shook his head. “Well, take it from me, let the past be the past. Don’t dwell on it. Family is tricky.” He waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Rose Petal, embrace the people you love, ’cuz you ain’t gonna be around forever to tell them how you feel.”

  Esther’s jaw dropped about the same time as Rose’s. Esther smiled on the inside.

  Gus was taking baby steps, but at least he was walking, and it was progress.

  Chapter 21

  Benjamin pulled up at The Peony Inn around lunchtime, hoping to catch Rose at home since she usually prepared the meals. Lizzie answered the door after he’d knocked several times.

  “Wie bischt, Benjamin.” She had a towel in her hand and was blotting her face. “Sorry it took so long to get to the door. I was splashing cold water on mei face. It’s hard to believe we have another month of summer. I’m relieved no one has booked a room. Easier on us during this heat.” She pushed the screen door open. “Come in. If you’re looking for Rose, she went to the hospital with Esther, but she said you might be by to pick up your mobile phone.” Lizzie motioned for him to follow her to the kitchen. “It’s on the counter.”

  She picked up Benjamin’s phone and handed it to him. “I think it’s dead.”

  “That’s okay. Danki.” He wanted to ask Lizzie what was going on with Rose, but the words wouldn’t come. “Um . . . how is Gus doing?”

  Lizzie shrugged. “He’s dying, but otherwise okay, I guess. He has mei blood pumping through him, so I’m hoping it will make him nicer.”

  Benjamin held back a grin. “Danki for mei phone. Blessings to Gus. I guess I better go.”

  “Not so fast.” Lizzie cut her eyes at him, frowning. “I thought you and Rose were a perfect match, and now there are problems, ya?”

  “There seem to be.” Benjamin stared at his phone as he moved it from one hand to the other. “Although I don’t know what they are.” He wasn’t comfortable talking about this with Lizzie, but if the woman could shed some light for him, then he’d endure a conversation about Rose.

  “The maedel is beating herself up about matters related to her childhood. She thinks that because certain things happened when she was growing up, she wouldn’t be a gut mudder. When she started to care about you, everything seemed to come to the surface for the poor girl. Esther and I have talked to her, encouraged her to leave the past behind, but she’s stuck there. And when she realized you had such a happy childhood—and she really liked your mudder, by the way—anyway, she’s decided she isn’t gut enough for you.” Lizzie grumbled. “Then she said something about letting the relationship organically dissolve.” She scrunched up her face and pressed her thin lips together. She didn’t have her teeth in, he noticed. “What exactly does that mean, organically dissolve?”

  Benjamin was still trying to absorb everything she’d said. “She said she cares about me?”

  “Ach, you’d have to be blind not to see that.” She edged closer to him. “I think she’s in lieb with you, if you want my opinion.” Benjamin wasn’t sure why she whispered that since no one was home, but this was certainly good news. “If you feel the same way about her, I suggest you tell her to forget about the past and hook up with you.”

  He grinned. Lizzie talked like the English sometimes. But the cracks in his heart were already mending. “Danki for telling me.”

  She grunted as she raised her shoulders slowly before lowering them. “Well, do you care about her or not?”

  “Ya, very much.”

  Lizzie pointed a finger at him. “Then you best get busy and get this fixed. Nothing worse than a failed matchmaking attempt, and Esther and I are very gut at what we do.” She challenged him with her eyes. “Get busy.”

  “Ya, yes, ma’am.” Benjamin thanked Lizzie again. “I’ll talk to her Sunday after worship service.” He left The Peony Inn with a bounce in his step. Whatever Rose had been through, they would talk it out together.

  * * *

  Rose was anxious to find out if Benjamin had been by while she and Esther were gone. Lizzie was sitting on the couch, her legs crossed, and kicking one foot when they came into the living room. She was pretending to read a magazine, but she was flipping the pages much too fast to be reading, or even studying the pictures.

  “Was Benjamin here?”

  Lizzie slammed the magazine shut and uncrossed her legs. “Glad you asked. Ya, he was.” She giggled. “I fixed everything for you.” She winked at Esther. “I’m the better matchmaker and the one who gets things handled.”

  Esther shook her head. “If you say so.”

  Rose’s chest tightened. “What do you mean you fixed everything?”

  “I told him how you’ve been beating yourself up about things that happened when you were a kinner, how you don’t think you’ll be a gut mudder, and that you’re stuck in the past. And I told him how you think you aren’t gut enough for him.” She flashed a toothless grin of satisfaction. “He said he cares about you and planned to talk to you after worship service Sunday.”

  Rose’s blood was simmering to a boil as she trembled from head to toe. “Please tell me you are making this up, that you didn’t really tell Benjamin all of that?”

  Lizzie narrowed her eyebrows, glanced at Esther—whose mouth had fallen open—then she looked back at Rose. “Of course I did. You want things fixed between the two of you, right?”

  Rose covered her mouth with both hands after she gasped. “Lizzie, how could you? That was not your information to share!” She glared at this woman she loved, but her shock and horror were wrapping around her so tightly she couldn’t breathe. “You have embarrassed and humiliated me. I can’t even imagine what Benjamin must think.” She could envision Lizzie telling Benjamin her innermost secrets, and she probably did it just the way she described. “How could you, Lizzie? I am never telling you anything again!” She ran for the door and kept going until she was past the pond and out of sight.

  Breathless, she dripped with sweat as she bent at the waist and tried to catch her breath. There was no way she was going to worship service Sunday, and maybe never again. She was so tired of crying, but she couldn’t stop the tears from coming.

  * * *

  Esther put her hands on her hips as she stood in the middle of the living room. Lizzie slouched into the couch and wiggled her bare feet on the floor as she twisted the string on her prayer covering.

  “Don’t yell at me.” Lizzie pouted like a child. “I thought if he knew everything then he would understand and talk to Rose. And Benjamin was happy I told him. I could tell.”

  “Maybe so.” Esther sat beside her sister. “But Rose is right. It wasn’t your place to say anything. That decision should have been left up to Rose, and you took away her choice. Now she has to confront a situation she might not be ready to delve into.”

  “You know how it goes, Esther. If people wait too long, life gets away from us, and it becomes too late.”

  Esther recalled what Gus said to Rose, a version of the same words Lizzie had just spoken. “I understand that, but it was still not your place to share Rose’s personal life with Benjamin.”

  Lizzie huffed, then stood up. “I’ll go talk to her.”

  “Let her be. Give the child some time.” Esther blotted her forehead with a tissue. “Besides, you’ll have a heatstroke if you stay outside for long. I’m not surprised we don’t have any rooms rented out. We should be used to no air-conditioning, but this is the worst summer I can recall.”

  “I was just trying to help.” Lizzie’s eyes were watery. “I’m going to lie down.”

  Esther sighed as her sister’s bedroom door closed behind her. Lizzie didn’t want Esther to see her cry, although she’d comfo
rted Esther when she was in tears countless times. She sat on the couch and put her feet up, thinking she could probably stay in this spot forever. She closed her eyes and tried to pretend she was in Antarctica.

  This situation would likely resolve itself by Sunday. Lizzie and Rose would have hugged and made up by then. Rose and Benjamin would hopefully work everything out too. After she said a prayer about it, she turned her focus to Gus. She prayed hard that God would keep working on that miracle.

  * * *

  By Sunday, Rose still wouldn’t speak to Lizzie. It had only been a day and a half, but Rose’s silence was making them all uncomfortable. She prepared the meals and kept up with her chores, but despite Lizzie’s attempts to reconcile, Rose wouldn’t hear of it. Esther was going to have a talk with Rose and tell her it was time to forgive Lizzie for her error in judgment. But when she walked into the kitchen to have the usual bowl of cereal before worship service, the room was vacant. No one had even made coffee.

  “I overslept,” Lizzie said as she met Esther in the living room.

  “Put your teeth in.”

  “Ach, okay. I forgot.”

  While Lizzie went to get her dentures, Esther ambled to the foot of the stairway. “Rose, are you ready?”

  After a few seconds, Esther called to her again.

  “I’m not going to worship,” Rose hollered from upstairs.

  Esther struggled up three steps, hoping she didn’t have to go all the way to the second floor. “Rose, if this is about Lizzie, or having to face Benjamin, those aren’t gut enough reasons to miss church.”

  Rose emerged at the top of the stairs with a hand across her stomach. “I’m not feeling well,” she said as she tucked long strands of brown hair behind her ears.

  “What’s wrong?” Esther suspected it wasn’t anything physical.

  “I threw up.”

  It was hard to argue with that, unless it was a bald-faced lie. “Can I bring you anything?”