Plain Peace Page 16

  Once Lucy was on the road, she let the tears pour freely. She’d lost Cora as a friend, just as she’d expected, and now she was on her way home to face her mother. God, I’m trying. I’m really trying. Please give me some guidance.

  Benjamin had fallen back asleep in his car seat, so she carried him inside and settled him in his crib to finish his nap. She dried her tears as best she could before she walked back into the living room to find her mother was standing with one hand on her hip.

  “So how was your visit with your new friends?”

  Lucy wished there was an ounce of sincerity in the question. “Fine.”

  “That bishop’s wife knows who you are, right? Surprised she even let you in her house.”

  Lucy walked to the couch, sat down, and put her feet on the coffee table. “Marianne was very nice.”

  “That’s how those Amish are. Nice to your face, and they act all holy, but they’re just as hateful as anybody else behind your back.”

  Lucy silently prayed for patience as her mother kept up the harangue. “I guarantee that woman didn’t want you there, and she’s probably telling everybody about it right—”

  “Shut up, Mother! Just shut up!”

  “Now, there’s the Lucy I know. Welcome back.” Her mother cackled, and Lucy resisted the urge to scream at her again. She was trying for a new life, and that life didn’t include yelling at her mother, no matter how justified. I am becoming a daughter of the promise, a daughter of the promise, a daughter of the promise . . .

  Lucy laid her head back against the couch and closed her eyes, but as her mother’s footsteps grew closer, she braced herself.

  “I’m all you got. You know that, right? Just me and Benjamin.”

  Lucy didn’t open her eyes. “Yes, Mom.”

  “Good. As long as you realize. Nobody ’round here’s ever gonna accept you, especially them Amish people.”

  “Yes, Mom.”

  Lucy fought to swallow past the knot in her throat. Maybe her mother was right.

  15

  ANNA PULLED HER BUGGY INTO THE LUMBERYARD PARKING lot around the time Jacob was due to get off work. She tethered her horse and stood leaning against her buggy. If she squinted, she could see through the glass window and into the store. A tinge of jealousy nipped at her when she saw Jacob standing at the counter, talking to Glenda. She recalled Glenda’s comment to her awhile back. “Well, if I were Amish, I’d snap him right up.”

  She smoothed the wrinkles in her dress and fumbled with the cherry-flavored lip gloss in her pocket, wondering if Jacob would kiss her again and also pondering what they could do to get her grandfather’s blessing. She felt bad sneaking around like this, and she knew Jacob did too. He might decide to quit seeing her if she didn’t get Daadi’s approval soon.

  Her stomach churned as she watched Jacob and Glenda laughing together. What were they talking about? Jealousy was a bad thing, but it had crawled under her skin just the same. She pulled out the small watch she kept in her apron pocket since jewelry was forbidden. She would give Jacob five more minutes, but then she would need to head home.

  Twenty minutes later she still hadn’t been able to bring herself to leave. Another buggy pulled into the parking lot, and finally Jacob walked out of the store. Anna was irked that they’d lost precious time together while he’d been inside with Glenda.

  “Wie bischt? How long have you been out here?” Jacob stopped in front of her, then glanced to his left at the other buggy. “Mary Jane is here to pick me up.”

  “Not too long.” Anna managed a smile, though she was still feeling a little miffed.

  “I missed you. I’m glad to see you’re better, but I would have been happy to see you even with poison ivy on your face.” He winked at her, and all was forgiven. She wanted to run into his arms, but his sister’s eyes were on them.

  “When can I see you?” he asked. “Things didn’t go well with your daadi when I was there. I’m not sure what to do.”

  Anna shrugged. “I don’t know. I could come by and pick you up for lunch tomorrow.”

  He hesitated. “Uh, ya. It won’t solve the problem with your grandfather, but I’d love to have lunch with you.” Pushing back the rim of his hat, he added, “I don’t like deceiving him, though.”

  “Me either. I’ll keep trying to figure out what to do.”

  “All right. Now, I have to go. Mary Jane’s waiting.” He leaned down and, to her surprise, kissed her on the lips with his sister watching. “I miss you.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch.” She gave him a quick wave as he headed for the only other buggy in the parking lot. Mary Jane took off as soon as he climbed in, so Anna set to untethering her horse.

  “I saw you out here in the parking lot. Why didn’t you just come in the store?”

  Anna turned to see Glenda standing a few feet away, her long blond hair pulled into a side braid. Her pink lip gloss looked to be about the same color as what Anna had in her pocket, although Anna had never worn hers. Glenda wore a short blue-jean skirt, a tight blue T-shirt, and white flip-flops. She looked fantastic.

  Anne could feel herself blushing. “I, uh, didn’t want to bother Jacob at work.” If you saw me out here, why didn’t you tell Jacob?

  “Oh, he’d been off the clock for about thirty minutes. We were just talking.” Glenda dabbed at her forehead. “I’m so sick of this heat.”

  Anna nodded. “Ya, it’s hot for sure.”

  Glenda adjusted the white purse on her shoulder and took a step closer to Anna. “Listen, I’m having a party a week from Saturday. I know how it is for you—for Amish, I mean. You’re allowed to party until you’re baptized. So I asked Jacob if he wanted to come to the party.” She grinned, batting her eyelashes. “And to bring you, of course.” She brushed a strand of wayward hair from her face. “Hope to see you both there. I live on the street back behind Beiler’s Bed and Breakfast. My house is the blue two-story house with white shutters. Jacob knows which one. Gotta run now.”

  “Thanks. Sounds gut.” Anna gave a quick wave before Glenda walked off, then she got in her buggy, knowing full well that she’d only been invited because Glenda wanted Jacob at her party. Gritting her teeth, she backed up the buggy, disgusted at her jealousy. Why should she care about an Englisch party, anyway?

  But as she picked up speed, she thought about it again. Going to the party—assuming that her grandfather allowed her to go in the first place—would give her a chance to be with Jacob. But that would make it yet another deception. Would it be a lie if she just didn’t mention that Jacob would be at the party?

  “You are not to see that boy.” Her grandfather’s words echoed in her head. She decided she’d talk with Jacob tomorrow at lunch. He’d mention the party to her then, and they could put their heads together about whether to go or not.

  She decided to go by Emma’s on the way home. Maybe her friend could help her figure the whole thing out.

  Cora pulled her nightgown over her head, then removed the pins from her hair. John was already in bed, his back to her, when she sat down and took her brush from the nightstand. As she ran it the length of her hair, she fought the urge to smack him over the head with it. She was itching to pick a fight over the decade-old topic that had reared its ugly head while she was with Marianne and Lucy today.

  She hadn’t thought about John’s affair in years. A woman just like Lucy had seduced him into a three-month dalliance that almost destroyed their marriage. Luckily, John had come to his senses and ended it. Cora had done her best to forgive, but it was hard to forget what that woman had done to her. And Lucy had done the very same thing to another Amish woman! She didn’t need someone like that in her life. If nothing else, Lucy was a reminder of John’s bad judgment and betrayal.

  John started snoring, and without even thinking, Cora gave him a sharp jab in the back.

  “Hey!” He rolled over, and in the dim light of the lantern, she could see the scowl on his face.

  “You’re sn
oring,” she said as she stowed her brush back in the drawer.

  “Ya, well. You didn’t have to poke me so hard.” He rolled back over, and Cora threw back the sheet. It was too warm to sleep with any type of covering. Not that she could sleep anyway. She didn’t snuff out the lantern, and as she lay there on her back, her blood was boiling. She was sick and tired of John’s attitude, angry that Lucy’s confession had brought up bad memories of the worst time in her marriage. Most of all, she missed her oldest daughter.

  She got out of bed, grabbed her pillow and lantern, and went downstairs to the small mudroom where she’d set up her sewing table and supplies and the old recliner where she sometimes did her mending. She snuffed out the lantern and set it on the table. Curling up in the recliner, she thought about all the time she’d spent with all her girls around that table. Especially Leah, who had done most of the mending and sewing.

  “I miss you, my sweet girl.” Cora reclined in the chair and buried her head in the pillow.

  Marianne placed an order on her iPhone for two Christian novels she’d found online. It had taken her three tries to enter her credit card number correctly on the little thing, even using her magnifying glass. When she was done, she sat back in her chair and eyed her collection. Isaac would have a heart attack if he knew how much stuff she had and what she’d spent on it over the years. Enough to buy a small house, most likely.

  She picked up one of the crystal glasses from a set of eight she’d ordered a few years ago. Much too luxurious for Isaac’s taste, but Marianne dreamed of setting them out for supper one night when they were having guests. She put the glass back on the shelf and picked up a decorative serving bowl. Mary Ellen Stoltzfus had used one almost exactly like it when she invited Marianne and Isaac for supper a few years back. Isaac had said it was much too fancy, with tiny flowers etched into the fine china. Marianne had thought it was just beautiful.

  She set the dish down and leaned back in her comfy chair, staring at her things with the familiar mixture of comfort and guilt and thinking back over the day.

  She thought about Anna. Marianne knew she was going to have to stand up to Isaac. Anna was going to see that boy with or without their permission, and that would only cause more problems down the line.

  Then she recalled the visit with Cora and Lucy. Marianne was still surprised at Cora’s quick switch from kindness to being cold and judgmental. It seemed so out of character.

  Marianne eyed her things. Maybe I’ll pay Lucy a visit and give her a gift.

  Anna pulled up at the lumberyard, unsure whether to go in or to wait for Jacob to come out. She could see Glenda through the plate-glass window. Sighing, she decided to go in.

  Glenda closed a magazine she was reading when Anna pulled in. “I’ll buzz Jacob and let him know you’re here. He told me you were picking him up for lunch.”

  “Thanks.” Anna fought the nasty little bug of jealousy burrowing into her skin. Again. She wondered how often Jacob and Glenda talked, and how often Anna’s name came up.

  Jacob rounded the corner a few moments later. He stopped at a time clock on the wall behind Glenda, punched out, then turned to Anna. “Ready?”

  They decided to walk to the deli down the street. As Jacob opened the door to the restaurant, they both scanned the room to see if there was anyone they knew. But Anna wasn’t very worried. “My grandparents wouldn’t be in here,” she said, “and I think Daadi is the only one we have to worry about.”

  They both ordered from the counter. Jacob got a ham and cheese sandwich, and Anna chose chicken salad. As they ate, they made small talk. Anna was waiting for Jacob to mention Glenda’s party. She was already plotting how she would get out of the house. Using Emma as an excuse wasn’t going to work again—not that it had worked that well before. And though she and Emma had spent an hour yesterday discussing strategies, they hadn’t been able to resolve her dilemma. What she really wanted was to be able to see Jacob with Daadi’s approval. But until she had that, she was willing to do what was necessary.

  Jacob said nothing about the party, but something was on his mind. Anna could sense it in his bleak expression and the way he was pushing the same chip around on his plate.

  “Are you okay?” She lightly touched his hand, wishing more than ever that they could find some time by themselves.

  “Ach, ya. I guess.” He finally picked up the chip and ate it. “I just . . .”

  Anna spoke softly. “What is it, Jacob?”

  “I heard mei mudder crying last night. She was in her sewing room, and I’d gotten up to get a drink.” He paused. “I almost went in to check on her, but I didn’t. Sometimes I need to just be by myself and grieve about Leah, and maybe she does too.” He paused, rubbed his chin. “Only thing is, I’m not sure that’s all that’s going on. I think my parents are really having problems.”

  “Like marital problems?” Anna kept her eyes on him as she took a sip of tea. It was twelve fifteen, and lots of people were bustling around them, ordering food and getting seated.

  “Ya. Daed isn’t any better. Still keeps to himself. And Mamm tries to carry on for the rest of us, but it’s really taking a toll on her.”

  “I still wish your daed—or your mamm—would talk to Daadi. He is so sympathetic about the loss of a loved one. I’ve heard him talk to others when they are grieving.” She sighed. “I know he’s strict, but he truly is the most compassionate man I know. Everything he does, he does out of love for God and his belief that we are straying too far into the Englisch world.”

  The Englisch world. What about Glenda’s party?

  “I think Mamm confides in your grandmother. They’ve been spending time together.”

  Anna was quiet for a few moments. “You know . . . I’m just going to have to stand up to my grandfather. I’m eighteen, and I should have the freedoms that go along with my rumschpringe. I have to get him to understand that I am old enough to make my own choices. I won’t be living there forever.” She let out a nervous chuckle. “I hope not, anyway.”

  “He is protective because he loves you.” Jacob smiled before he finished the last little bite of his sandwich.

  “I know he does, but he doesn’t realize that sometimes he just pushes people away—or forces them to keep secrets from him. I know my grandmother does—especially in that broom closet down in the basement where she goes all the time. It’s more like a small room. She’s hiding things down there that she doesn’t want Daadi to see.”

  “Like what?” Jacob grinned.

  Anna shrugged, smiling herself. “I don’t know. She keeps it locked, but there is a key up on top of the door molding. I’ve been tempted to go in there, but it’s her private space, so I don’t. She doesn’t think I know, but she orders things and UPS brings them.”

  Jacob laughed aloud. “Your daadi wouldn’t like that.”

  “Nee, he wouldn’t. To him, that’s just another connection to the outside world that threatens our way of life.”

  “What do you think she orders?” Jacob wiped his mouth. Anna watched him in frustration. Lunch was coming to an end with no mention at all of Glenda’s party.

  “Oh, probably quilting supplies, cinnamon pills for her diabetes, canning jars . . .” She shrugged. “Things that would ordinarily require a trip to town in the buggy. I guess she’s figured out that ordering is a lot more convenient, especially in this heat or in the cold winter months.” She grinned as she lifted up one finger. “However, I think she also splurges on some things Daadi wouldn’t agree with even if she purchased them in town.”

  Jacob chuckled. “It’s kind of funny.”

  “Ya. I know.”

  He glanced at the clock behind the deli counter. “I guess I better get back to work.”

  Anna stood up when he did, and he waited for her to go in front of him. She was starting to think that he’d forgotten about the party. Or maybe he just assumed she couldn’t go.

  “I’m glad the weekend is almost here,” she said as they walked to th
e lumberyard.

  “Me too. I’m off tomorrow. But I promised Mamm that I would repair the fence, so that will take up most of my day.” He paused, then looked her way. “I’d rather be hanging out with you.”

  “Maybe tomorrow evening when you’re done?” She slowed down as they got to the entrance of the lumberyard and took a deep breath. “Or next Saturday?”

  But he didn’t take the hint. Instead, he turned to face her, put his hands in his pockets, and rocked back on his heels a couple of times. “What about your grandfather? I don’t want you sneaking out to spend time with me. It’s bad enough that we’re meeting for lunch like this. As much as I want to be with you, I don’t want you getting in more trouble. And I don’t like lying.”

  Anna hung her head. “I know.”

  Jacob gently lifted her chin and glanced quickly to his left. “I want to kiss you, but I can see Glenda and one of the guys I work with. They’re watching us.”

  Anna felt her face flush, wishing he’d kiss her anyway. But he winked at her, then gave a quick wave and left.

  She walked to her buggy, looking back only once. Jacob was standing in front of the counter talking to Glenda. She swallowed back a lump in her throat. No mention of the party, and she had to consider that maybe Jacob didn’t want her going, that he’d rather spend time with Glenda.

  As she flicked the reins, she wondered when she’d become this jealous person. Knowing it was wrong was one thing, but controlling the emotion was becoming a challenge.

  She drove off, looking through the plate glass once more. Jacob was still there, talking and smiling. Anna decided right then and there that she was going to that party, even if Jacob never said a word about it.

  After all, Glenda had invited her too.

  16

  NOAH PEERED OUT THE WINDOW OF HIS LIVING ROOM. Everyone had arrived for Jenna’s party—everyone except Lucy and Benjamin. Maybe it was too late to make them a part of the family. Perhaps too much time had gone by or there had been too much pain.