Plain Proposal Page 14

  “Why aren’t we taking the spring buggy?” Miriam asked not long after they got on the road.

  Rebecca enjoyed the topless buggy on a pretty day too, but today was a day for their covered buggy. “I need the room in the backseat for supplies, plus it’s going to rain.”

  “It doesn’t look like rain.” Miriam’s voice was bordering on snippy as she turned to face Rebecca.

  Rebecca just smiled. “We’ll see.” She kept the buggy at a steady pace and waited until they had crossed Lincoln Highway before she brought up the subject that was causing her so much grief. She decided to ease into it slowly.

  “I saw Zeb Fisher and the two younger boys at church Sunday, but I didn’t see Saul.”

  Miriam kept her eyes straight ahead as she spoke. “Ruben said that he was feeling poorly that morning.” She shrugged, then faced out her buggy window. “I haven’t seen or talked to Saul in four days.”

  Relief flooded over Rebecca even though she hated to hear her daughter sound so sad. Maybe her worries were unfounded after all. She tried to think of a casual way to talk more about Saul, but before her thoughts could get organized, Miriam spoke again.

  “I know you don’t like him.”

  Rebecca waited for a car to cross in front of them, then flicked the reins until the horse picked up speed. She turned to face Miriam briefly, shocked at the way her daughter’s eyes cut into her, but she took a deep breath, determined to keep things pleasant between them. “Please understand, Miriam. . . I don’t really know Saul well enough to form an opinion of him, but the things I’ve heard. . .” Rebecca shook her head before turning to Miriam again. “All this talk about him leaving frightens me. If the two of you are close. . .”

  “You don’t need to be frightened.” Miriam looked out her window to the right again. Rebecca couldn’t see her expression, but she heard the sadness in her voice again. “He doesn’t want me to go with him.” Miriam dabbed at her eye, but Rebecca was having trouble getting past the fact that they had actually discussed such a thing. “Saul is probably leaving, but I won’t be going with him.” Miriam faced forward and raised her chin a bit. Rebecca watched as Miriam blinked back tears, but as much as her heart hurt for her daughter, relief was still her primary emotion.

  Mamm sighed. “I’m sorry, Miriam.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  Instinctively Rebecca opened her mouth to reprimand Miriam for her harsh tone, but she didn’t. Instead, they rode quietly for a while. Finally, Rebecca spoke again.

  “I’m sorry that you’re hurting, Miriam. But the thought of you leaving here. . . I just can’t. . .” Rebecca trailed off and shook her head, wondering when Miriam had gotten old enough for things to get so complicated between them.

  Miriam twisted to face Rebecca, and while Rebecca kept her eyes on the road, she could feel her daughter’s eyes blazing into her again. “Mamm, it’s my choice. I choose whether or not to get baptized.”

  Rebecca took a deep breath and tried to choose her words carefully, keeping in mind that Miriam was hurting, but also knowing that she knew what was best for Miriam. “I know that, Miriam. But your father and I can’t help but worry that you’ll be drawn to a world you know little about.”

  “Worry is a sin,” her daughter responded flatly, in the same tone that was getting harder for Rebecca to ignore. She took another deep breath.

  “Ya, it is. But I’m human, Miriam.” She paused. “Look at Shelby. She had troubles in her hometown, and now she’s bringing you troubles.”

  Miriam scowled. “How is Shelby bringing me troubles?”

  “You snuck out of the haus, Miriam. That is something you would never have done before. I’m sure that was Shelby’s idea.”

  Miriam chuckled.

  “You think this is funny?” Rebecca slowed the buggy as they neared the market. She braved a quick glance at Miriam, not finding humor in any of this.

  “Ya. I do. Especially since Shelby is the one who tried to talk me out of it.” They were quiet again for a few moments. “And I think Shelby only shares her experiences with me as a way to help me not to make bad choices.”

  Rebecca heard what Miriam was saying, but it was taking time for her words to sink in. Have I been wrong about Shelby?

  “I hear her crying a lot at night, after she thinks I’m asleep.”

  Rebecca parked the buggy, then hung her head for a moment as she questioned what kind of mother figure she’d been for Shelby in the absence of her own mother. “Do you think she’s homesick?”

  “I don’t think so. She just seems. . . lonely. I think she’s been angry about a lot of things. Her parents, her ex-boyfriend, her old friends, and. . . at God.”

  Rebecca questioned her priorities for a moment as she stared at her only daughter. “You’re a gut girl, Miriam. Maybe you can help her to find her way.”

  “God will do that.”

  Rebecca nodded, then they both stepped out of the buggy. She tethered the horse at the pole outside of the market, then stared up at the dark clouds forming to her west.

  I was right.

  About the rain.

  Shelby thought about the conversation she’d overhead between Rebecca and Aaron. On her hands and knees, she scrubbed the bathtub even harder. Ben, Elam, and John were with Aaron, and Shelby wanted to surprise Rebecca when she got home. She planned to have the entire upstairs scrubbed clean, and then she’d do as much as she could downstairs. Nothing was ever really dirty here. Rebecca saw to that. But with six of them in the house, the bathtub always needed a good scrubbing.

  She wasn’t sure why Rebecca’s approval was so important to her. She’d be gone in another six weeks—back to her home, or what was left of it. To her surprise, Paradise had started to feel like home. She loved cooking in the evenings with Rebecca and Miriam, and was even starting to make it downstairs in time to help with breakfast. Gardening wasn’t her favorite thing, nor the lack of air-conditioning, but the freedom to not wear makeup or be judged by others—most of the time—made up for some of the inconveniences, such as not having a cell phone, computer, or television.

  Aaron was a storyteller and often told tales in the evenings after devotion time, and everyone laughed. Despite the recent death in the family, there was still laughter in this house, something she couldn’t remember hearing at home—at least not in a long, long time. No one screamed at each other here, and for the most part, everyone did as they were told, worked hard, and didn’t complain. It was a simpler way of life that had started out as a punishment but had wrapped around her like a safe cocoon.

  She wrung out the sponge, put it underneath the sink in the bathroom, then stopped and stilled herself when she thought she heard a knock at the door. Realizing she was right, she dried her hands on a towel, then headed down the stairs. When she opened the door, Jesse was standing on the porch holding a fishing pole.

  “Jesse, hi.” She pushed the screen open. “Come on in.”

  Jesse glanced around the yard, then looked over her shoulder. “Is Miriam here?”

  Shelby’s heart dropped. She should have known Jesse was here to see Miriam. “No. I’m sorry. She went to town with Rebecca. I’ll tell her you stopped by to see her.”

  Jesse repositioned his weight. “I, uh—I didn’t come to see Miriam. I came to see you.”

  Shelby smiled. “Oh. Well, come on in.”

  He looked over her shoulder again, then scanned the yard. “Is anyone home?”

  “No. Aaron and the boys are out there.” She pointed to her left toward the back fields. “And Rebecca and Miriam went to town.” She pushed the door open wider.

  “Maybe you could just come out on the porch,” Jesse said as he scrunched his handsome face up and nodded to his side.

  “Oh.” Shelby joined him on the porch. “Are we not supposed to be alone in the house together?”

  Jesse stood taller. “It wouldn’t be proper.”

  Shelby loved Jesse’s manners and the formality of his speech. “Okay.”
She sat down in one of the rocking chairs on the front porch and motioned for Jesse to do the same.

  “I bought this for you.” Jesse pushed the fishing pole toward her. “You can’t keep using everyone’s hand-me-downs. You need your own pole.”

  Shelby struggled not to burst into tears. It was the nicest thing anyone had done for her in a long time, and coming from Jesse, it warmed her insides even more.

  “Danki,” she said in his dialect.

  “Ach, you learnin’ yourself the Deitsch?”

  She laughed. “I’m picking up words and phrases here and there.” She thought about hearing the young men at the market and their inappropriate comments in Pennsylvania Deitsch.

  “Does Rebecca say kumme esse? Mei mamm always says that at supper time.”

  Shelby tapped her finger to her chin. “Hmm. . . no. I don’t remember hearing Rebecca say that. What does it mean?”

  “‘Come eat.’ Tonight, tell everyone kumme esse, and they’ll think you’re converting.” He smiled, then stood up. “I best be gettin’ on my way. I’m on lunch break from my job at the City Dump.”

  Shelby tried not to react, but her brows rose just the same.

  Jesse grinned. “It’s a furniture store in Ronks.”

  “Oh.” Shelby brought her hand to her chest. “I thought you looked awfully clean to work at a dump.” Then she squeezed her eyes closed and thought about how dumb that sounded.

  “So when do you want to try out your new fishing pole? Saturday?” The beginning of a smile tipped the corner of his mouth, and Shelby felt like she was going to melt right there on the porch.

  “Sure. Do you want Miriam to make us a lunch again? Maybe some chicken salad?”

  Jesse looped his thumbs underneath his suspenders, and when he took a deep breath, it was hard for Shelby not to notice how well his broad shoulders filled out his blue shirt. “I—I was wondering if you wanted to go. I mean, just you. And me.” His mouth twitched as he waited for her to answer.

  Shelby’s heart pounded against her chest so hard that when she finally did answer, it was more like a squeak. “Sure.”

  Jesse smiled. “Gut. Then can I come for you at noon?”

  “Sure. Okay.” She fought the swooning effect that overtook her. “Do you want me to bring lunch?”

  “No. It is my invitation, so I’ll ask mei mamm to make lunch for us.”

  Shelby put her hands on her hips and grinned. “You’re scared of my cooking, huh? Believe me, I can whoop up some sandwiches.” He laughed, then his expression stilled. “I ain’t scared of your cooking, Shelby. . .” He paused. “But you do scare me.” With a smile on his face, he winked, then turned and walked down the porch steps, waving when he got to his buggy.

  She watched him maneuver the buggy down the driveway and onto the street. She couldn’t wait to tell Miriam that she had a date. With Jesse Dienner.

  11

  MIRIAM WAITED WITH SHELBY ON THE FRONT PORCH Saturday. It was almost noon, and Jesse was due to pick up Shelby any minute. Miriam struggled to figure this out. For years she’d known that Jesse was smitten with her, and it gave her a strange sense of comfort. It was wrong, since she’d always wanted to be with Saul, but the feelings were there anyway.

  “I offered to make lunch.” Shelby ran her hands along a crisp white shirt that was tucked into a pair of dark blue jeans. “But Jesse said he would have his mother pack us a lunch.”

  “Why did you wear a white shirt to go fishing?”

  Shelby glanced down at her blouse. “I don’t know. I like this shirt.” She cringed as she studied her choice further, as if seeing the bright white fabric for the first time. “I’m going to go change.” She jumped up from the rocker she was sitting in. “I won’t be long!”

  Miriam slouched down into a rocker and tried to fight the self-pity that lingered around her. No Saul. And now no Jesse. Why was it that she’d never really noticed Jesse until he took an interest in Shelby? He was handsome. And there would never be a worry about Jesse leaving the community. Jesse would be a wonderful husband and father.

  What are you doing? Miriam shook her head to clear her wicked thoughts. She knew she didn’t want Jesse, but rationally he would be the best person for her. Then everyone would be happy—everyone but Miriam. And—now—possibly Shelby.

  She watched him pull into the driveway, so she straightened her curved spine. She reminded herself that there was a bigger issue at hand. What if Jesse really likes Shelby? Her cousin would be leaving, and Jesse could end up hurt. She briefly wondered if Jesse would consider leaving the community. What if he fell for Shelby? Would he so willingly follow her, like Miriam had been so ready to follow Saul—if he’d wanted her to?

  “Wie bischt, Miriam?” Jesse strolled up wearing a light-blue shirt, black trousers, and a smile. Miriam was sure he’d never looked better in his life. She sighed.

  “I’m gut. Shelby will be here in a minute.”

  Jesse smiled. “I bet it wonders you that I would be going out with an Englisch woman.”

  Miriam wondered briefly if Jesse was trying to make her jealous, but when the screen door slammed and Jesse’s eyes darted to Shelby—it became obvious to Miriam where Jesse’s interest lay. His eyes twinkled as a full smile spread across his face.

  With no time to respond, Miriam said, “Well, you two kids have fun,” then crossed her legs and plastered on a grin—just like her mother would. She wasn’t sure why she said it, and both Shelby and Jesse gave her strange looks.

  Once they were gone, Miriam slithered back down in the chair again, knowing her mother would reprimand her for such pitiful posture. But she didn’t much care at the moment.

  Little John strolled onto the porch holding a large piece of watermelon. He walked up to where she was sloped down in the chair.

  “Want some?” Red juice dripped down his chin.

  Miriam shook her head. “No. Danki, though.”

  Her youngest brother sat down on the porch and dangled his legs off the side. Miriam smiled when she saw watermelon juice on the tops of his bare feet. She could remember being eight years old, when there wasn’t anything a piece of watermelon couldn’t cure on a hot day. Brushing back a strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face, she decided that she could either sit here and feel sorry for herself or do something productive. She’d already weeded the garden and picked the tomatoes, strawberries, rhubarb, and cabbage that were ready. Housecleaning was done, and her parents allowed her Saturday afternoon to do anything she wanted. She wanted to go fishing. With Saul.

  Scowling, she pulled herself up and headed into the house. When she walked into the den, she heard sniffling. Her mother quickly faced the window to the backyard, but Miriam saw her dab her eyes. Guilt flooded over her when she thought about how self-absorbed she’d been. Uncle Ivan had died just two weeks ago. Katie Ann and the rest of her family from Colorado had left two days after the funeral.

  “Mamm, can I get you anything or do anything for you?”

  Her mother slowly turned around, sniffled once. “No. Danki, Miriam. I’m all right.” She walked to the couch, sat down, and picked up a book. Miriam sat down in the rocker across from her and kicked it into motion. She waited awhile, in case Mamm wanted to talk, but her mother kept her head buried in a book.

  “Mamm. . . do you care if I take the spring buggy for a drive?”

  “It’s not hitched up, and your daed, Ben, and Elam are at your Aenti Mary Ellen’s haus helping your Onkel Abe put up a new fence.”

  Miriam thought briefly about going to see if her cousin Linda wanted to go running around, but she really didn’t feel like conversation. “I can hitch the buggy up.”

  Mamm looked up from the book. “I guess it would be all right.” Miriam stood up and shuffled across the wooden floor toward the front door.

  “Miriam?”

  “Ya?”

  Mamm crossed one leg over the other and folded her hands atop the book in her lap. “Tell me about this—this outing
with Shelby and Jesse.”

  “What do you want to know? They went fishing.”

  Mamm’s forehead creased as she narrowed her eyes at Miriam. “You know what I mean. You don’t think Jesse would be silly enough to date an Englisch girl, do you? I mean, Shelby will be leaving next month.”

  Miriam was dreading that day. She would miss Shelby. She wasn’t sure that her cousin had completely opened up to her, but Shelby didn’t write in that journal every night anymore, and Miriam thought that might be a good thing. She was hoping her cousin would seek the Lord for guidance and help with all that ailed her. Although. . . when she darted away with Jesse Dienner, she’d seemed just fine.

  Finally, she shrugged. “I don’t know, Mamm. I think they’re just friends.”

  “Jesse will make a fine husband for a lucky maedel someday.” She smiled all-knowingly at Miriam.

  “I guess.” She pulled the screen open. But not for me.

  Saul regretted the way things ended the last time he saw Miriam, but he decided to leave well enough alone. Miriam was better off without him, and he didn’t know how long he’d have the strength to tell her that she couldn’t go with him when he left. He still couldn’t believe what she’d said. It was like a dream—the thought of him and Miriam sharing a life together. But it was a dream that was out of reach. Leaving here was his dream, not hers. He could never let her do that.

  He tried to stay focused on the positive, first and foremost his father, who hadn’t had a drinking episode since he and Saul last talked. Soon Saul would need to tell him about his job offer. He needed to do it before Daed deeded over the property to him. But for the first time since he’d found out about his job, he felt a void in his life. Miriam never should have told him that she’d go with him. Now all he could do was think about the possibilities of a life with her.