A Season of Change Page 12

  “It means that on a normal day, there isn’t enough blood, and there surely isn’t enough of the kind I need.” He held up a finger. “But even if there was, my age is working against me. I’ve only got a five percent chance of remission if the chemo works.” Rubbing his beard, he said, “I don’t even know if I’ll do it. I might lose all my hair, Esther.”

  She wasn’t sure when Gus started worrying about his looks. “You should have told me about all this.” She put a hand to her chest. “This is not something you should go through alone. Does . . . does Heather know?” Esther bit her bottom lip.

  “No. My daughter and I don’t have a relationship. I haven’t seen her since I gave her the money from my little part in that movie.” He strummed his fingers against his belly. “I don’t want her to know.”

  “What if she shares your blood type? Wouldn’t that help you have a better chance at recovery?” Esther didn’t know much about leukemia, just that it was cancer of the blood.

  “I don’t want her to know.” He glared at Esther. “I’ll be mad if you tell her, and since I’m the one who is gonna die, you have to respect my wishes.”

  Esther dabbed at her eyes with a tissue she took from her apron pocket.

  “See.” Gus shook his head. “This is why I didn’t want you to know. I don’t need a bunch of crying, especially when it’s you.” He paused, scowling. “Although I doubt my passing will bring forth tears from anyone else.”

  Esther didn’t know if Gus had touched lives she was unaware of. But Evelyn’s husband, Jayce, was friends with Gus. The boy would take this news hard.

  “Let’s face it, I’m in stage four and my liver is enlarged. I’m a goner.” He gazed into her eyes, which felt strange coming from Gus. Her heart swelled a little. “Do you think they got chocolate pie in that heaven you believe in?”

  Esther smiled for the first time since she’d arrived. “I suspect heaven has anything a person wants.”

  Gus groaned. “I’m guessing no pie where I’m going.”

  She couldn’t decide if he was hinting for her to help him, or if he would reprimand her based on his earlier comments. “Probably not where you think you’re going. But, Gus, you can change course at any stage in life. In our faith, we believe that you have to live a gut life and believe that Jesus is the Son of God. You have to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Redemption is always within reach. That hot seat you refer to doesn’t have your name on it.”

  He stared at her for a long time. “I haven’t always treated you very good. Why have you continued to be around me, or should I say tolerate me?”

  Grinning, she said, “I like a gut challenge.” She stood up slowly, keeping most of her pressure on her right leg. “I would like to be put on your list of people the doctors and nurses can talk to about your condition. Would that be all right?”

  “I guess so.” He lowered his head and fidgeted with his hands before he looked back at her. “Esther, when drool starts running down my face, or I can’t feed myself . . . stuff like that . . . I don’t want anyone to see me.”

  Esther knew in her heart that she would see this through with Gus, that she would wipe the drool from his face, feed him, and tend to whatever else he needed. But she nodded in agreement.

  The man was a mess and had been intolerable to most people for as long as she had known him. But she saw something in Gus that he didn’t see in himself. Remorse. Despite what he said, he was sorry for the things he’d done in his life that made him feel unworthy of God’s love. And that was the beginning of redemption. With nurturing, Gus’s relationship with the Lord could grow into something beautiful, and that’s what Esther wanted for him.

  “I will see you soon,” she said. “How long will you be here?”

  He shrugged again. “Who knows? I didn’t think I’d still be here now.”

  “Very well.” She gazed with a new sense of purpose at the miserable man in the bed. Esther believed in miracles. And doctors were wrong sometimes. But without a way to know Gus’s destiny, she was going to do her best to show him how to have a relationship with God. She didn’t care if ministry to outsiders was discouraged.

  She left Gus’s room and shuffled down the hall, which smelled of disinfectant. The two nurses, Loraine and Shelley, glared at her when she walked toward the elevator. She was tempted to explain about the conversation she’d had with them, but tears were building toward a full-blown meltdown.

  After she’d called her driver and gotten in the car, she quietly cried in the back seat all the way home.

  * * *

  Rose stood next to Lizzie in the living room looking out the window at Esther. They’d seen the driver drop her off, but she hadn’t come into the house. She was just standing in the yard with her head down.

  “Should we go out there and see if she’s okay?” Rose leaned closer to the window.

  “Nee. Let’s give her a minute. She’s processing something.”

  They waited, and a few moments later, they both quickly settled themselves on the couch as Esther slowly started toward the front door.

  “Uh . . .” Lizzie slowly stood up when Esther shuffled into the room. “Did everything go all right at the hospital?”

  “Nee, it did not.” Esther sniffled, then pulled a tissue from her apron pocket.

  Rose stood up to move toward her, but supposed she should let Lizzie handle this.

  “Did Gus yell and scream at you? Did he get thrown out?” Lizzie turned toward the window, and Rose followed her gaze. “His truck isn’t there,” Lizzie said after she looked back at Esther. “Did he go to jail?”

  Rose squeezed her eyes closed, cringing. Lizzie had asked the last question with a little too much enthusiasm. When she opened her eyes, the sisters were facing off, both with their hands on their hips.

  “Nee. He did not go to jail.” Esther covered her face with both hands, and when she finally showed her face, it was streaked with tears. “Gus is dying.”

  Lizzie grunted. “I know you’re kidding. Gus Owens is too mean to die.”

  “It’s true,” she said in a tense, clipped voice. “He has leukemia, with very little hope of surviving.”

  Rose plopped down on the couch. It was hard not to think of her father in that moment. Despite everything the man had done, she was sad when he died. Gus probably had more good in him than her father did. If she said anything right now, it would surely turn into rambling. But a lot was going through her mind.

  Lizzie looked at the floor and rubbed her forehead. Rose wasn’t sure if it was because she didn’t know what to say, because she didn’t want to face Esther—who was openly crying now—or because she disliked Gus so much that she didn’t care.

  “I’m sorry you are hurting.” Lizzie dropped her hands to her sides before hanging her head again.

  They were all quiet. After a while, Esther stopped crying. “Gus doesn’t know the Lord, and I want”—her voice was shaky—“I want to help him be at peace, to have a relationship with God. There is redemption for everyone if they seek it.”

  Rose silently prayed that Lizzie wouldn’t say something cruel, which wasn’t usually her nature. But when it came to Gus, there was no telling what might come out of Lizzie’s mouth. Thankfully, Lizzie remained quiet.

  “I think it’s nice that you are willing to do that for Gus.” Rose stood up. “I will help any way I can.” She wasn’t sure what she could do. Esther was the only person Gus seemed to like—and Jayce.

  Esther attempted to adjust her prayer covering, but her hands were shaking. Lizzie reached up and straightened it for her, then tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ears.

  At first glimpse, Esther and Lizzie were as opposite as could be. Esther was tall and heavyset, slowing down due to arthritis in her knees. Lizzie was a tiny bundle of energy. If she had any ailments, Rose didn’t know about them. Unless you counted her dentures.

  Esther was refined and carried herself with dignity. Lizzie was a spitfire who said what was on
her mind, didn’t usually follow all the rules of the Ordnung, and had been known to cause trouble from time to time.

  Rose loved her sisters, but she didn’t share a bond with any of her siblings the way Esther and Lizzie did. Even though Lizzie despised Gus, she was putting Esther’s feelings first, knowing her sister was in pain.

  Esther cleared her throat. “Rose, I would like to have a gathering here tomorrow afternoon, after folks have time to get off work. Maybe around six o’clock. Gus doesn’t want his daughter to know about his condition, but I would like to invite Naomi and Amos and Evelyn and Jayce to come. We’ll have light refreshments, and I will tell them about Gus. We are the only family he has.”

  Rose glanced at Lizzie, who was staring at the floor.

  “I’m happy to handle all of that. I’ll get word to Evelyn and Naomi, and I’ll prepare the food. We are out of chowchow in the cupboard, but I believe there is more in the basement. I’ll make sure to have a variety of snacks.” She thought briefly if she should ask Benjamin to come, but he didn’t know Gus, and this was a personal gathering. Rose would see him Saturday anyway.

  “Ach, I forgot to tell you something.” Rose flinched a little since this wasn’t the best timing. “An Amish man from Shipshewana left a message on the answering machine. He wanted a room for a week, arriving tomorrow. I returned his call to confirm his reservation. Do you want me to call him back and see if he can arrive on Saturday instead? I think he is coming here for work.”

  Esther shook her head. “Nee. A new face might provide a distraction. If necessary, we can have our meeting outside by the garden.”

  Rose wasn’t sure how much sleep Lizzie was going to lose over this news about Gus, but another person in the house might help to distract Esther.

  “I’m going to lie down for a while.” Esther’s ashen complexion and swollen eyes were a testament to how much she really did care for Gus.

  Lizzie stared at Esther’s closed bedroom door for a long while before she turned to Rose. “Hon, I’m going to take a nap.”

  Rose nodded.

  After Lizzie closed her bedroom door, Rose thought she heard a sound from inside. She tiptoed across the room until she could make out faint whimpering. Glancing back and forth between the closed doors of Esther and Lizzie’s bedrooms, she finally inched closer to the sound. Rose put a hand on Lizzie’s door, unsure whether to knock. She was also unclear whether Lizzie’s sadness was for Esther or for Gus. Or both.

  Chapter 12

  Esther woke up, surprised she had slept away most of the day. It was already late afternoon. She’d missed lunch, but even though her stomach growled, food didn’t sound good right now. She shuffled to the bedroom window and stared at the cottage as she tried to envision a world without Gus in it.

  There would be no more constant bickering between their renter and Lizzie. Guests at the inn wouldn’t have to put up with Gus’s unpleasantness. Esther wouldn’t have to reprimand him for calling her “Woman” or for calling Rose “Rose Petal.” There would be no more instructing him on the right and wrong way to treat people. Esther wouldn’t be taking him pie or leftovers because she felt sorry for him. No more mail deliveries to him. Gus’s character flaws were many, and Esther had no trouble creating a mental list.

  But overshadowing Gus’s shortcomings were occasional random acts of kindness that had always given her hope that the real Gus was buried beneath a life she knew nothing about.

  Esther recalled having an MRI last year. She’d been so scared that she couldn’t be still for the procedure. It was Gus who held her hand and convinced her that everything would be all right. And as much as he complained about his cats, it was easy to see how much he loved Whiskers and her two grown kittens.

  When a film company had stayed at the inn, Gus saved the life of the star actress by jumping in the water inside Bluespring Caverns. And during that time, Gus became pals with one of the crew members, who happened to be Jayce.

  Gus Owens was a work in progress, a project that Esther now feared she would never see come to fruition. Instead, she had been called to lead Gus to the Lord, and the task felt much larger than teaching him to be kind to others. Maybe the undertakings went hand in hand. To love and be kind brought a person closer to God.

  She snapped out of her ponderings when Edgar Thompson started the lawnmower and began in the same place he always did on Thursday afternoons. First, he’d mow Naomi and Amos’s yard, and then the space in the middle of the three houses. Afterward, he would do the cottage, and end by mowing around the main house.

  Esther took a deep breath. She needed a distraction from her own thoughts, and maybe chatting with Edgar would close a window of suspicion regarding the delivery of the flowers. No matter how much she tried to convince herself that the identity of the sender didn’t matter, it did.

  When she walked into the living room, Rose was dusting the items on the mantel—a small figurine of a dolphin that Esther brought back from a vacation with Joe decades ago, two silk ivies in a vase, and two silver candleholders that had belonged to their mother.

  Rose stashed her blue feather duster in the pocket of her apron. “You know . . .” The girl seemed lost for words, which was rare.

  “What is it, dear?”

  Rose chewed on her bottom lip, then sighed. “Mei daed was not a gut man. It’s a terrible thing to say, but it’s true.” She cast her eyes down. “But I loved him, and I was sad when he died.”

  This was the most Rose had ever shared about her family, other than that she had multiple siblings. Esther waited to see if she would share more. She seemed to be carefully planning what she would say, which was also unusual for Rose.

  “But Gus isn’t a bad man. He says and does rude things sometimes, but I’ve seen the goodness in him that you’ve spoken of so often.” She shivered. “He scares me sometimes when he’s so gruff, but I think he’d jump in front of a train to save a person he cares about. I don’t know if that makes sense. He’s different from mei daed. And maybe his life has shaped the man that he became, but perhaps Gus has always been waiting to be set free.” She locked eyes with Esther. “Do you think that in death he will be free of whatever torments him? Do you think people change when they get to heaven? Or do they repeat the same patterns as on earth?” She paused as her gaze drifted away from Esther, carrying Rose to the place she went sometimes. “But if a person behaved badly on earth, maybe they don’t go to heaven.”

  Esther recalled what Gus had said about his front seat in hell. But Esther also didn’t think Rose was talking about Gus anymore. Only one word came to mind. She didn’t know if it applied to Rose’s father, but she knew the word to be associated with Gus and the charge she’d been given to help him attain the goal.

  “Redemption,” she said softly to Rose. “I believe that if someone is truly sorry for the sins they have committed and is trying to live a good life, God readily opens His arms to that person if they have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior.”

  “That’s what you’re hoping for Gus, isn’t it?”

  This was the most calculated, thought-out conversation Esther had ever had with Rose. There were no rambling sentences or jumping from subject to subject before Esther could process what she was saying. Rose was becoming a better listener.

  “I think miracles happen, and I will be praying for one for Gus so that I will have more time with him, to peel back the layers, to get to the real Gus you mentioned.” She smiled. “He’s in there. We just don’t see him much. But equally as important, whether it is his time to leave us or not, I will be praying Gus finds redemption.” Esther blinked back her own tears as she watched a tear slip down Rose’s cheek.

  “Esther?”

  She edged closer to Rose and put a hand on her arm. “Ya, dear. What is it?”

  “I prayed for redemption for mei father before he died. But I did not pray for a miracle. Sometimes I wonder if I will be turned away from the gates of heaven for not praying for mei own father to get well.�
�

  Esther rubbed Rose’s arm. “Mei sweet maedel, only God grants miracles. We can pray to Him, ask Him to grant a miracle. But in the end, everything that happens is Gott’s will. If you didn’t pray for your father to get well, it isn’t your fault he died. You understand that, ya?” Esther wanted to ask what her father had done for her to feel this way, but she would accept whatever Rose was comfortable telling her at present.

  “I guess.” She swiped at her eyes. “I’m sorry you’re hurting over Gus’s news. It makes me sad too.”

  “I’m all right, Rose. It was just a shock, and I needed to process the information. And I needed to pray about it. But I’m okay.” She grinned. “There are a lot of things I can’t control in this world, but I can take a stab at figuring out who sent me flowers. I’m going to go have a talk with Edgar.”

  Rose lifted up on her toes. “Lizzie will be so excited. She calls him suspect number two.”

  Esther shook her head, then laughed, which felt good. “I know she does. Wish me luck.”

  * * *

  After Esther went outside, Rose sat on the couch, leaned her head back, and covered her eyes with her hands, wishing she hadn’t shared so much with Esther. Her father was a taboo subject, and Esther probably thought her father had laid hands on her. But the abuse Rose suffered from her dad had nothing to do with any physical harm. Most of the time, she was able to push it from her mind.

  Lizzie swung her door open and bolted out of her bedroom. She was dressed, but her long gray hair lay flat against her back, and her mouth was agape. “I saw Esther from the window! She’s going to go talk to suspect number two, isn’t she?” Lizzie clapped her hands together as she scurried to the window in the living room. “We might as well be peepers—or Peeping Toms, like the Englisch say. Seems we are always spying on someone.”

  Rose sidled up to Lizzie and noticed dark circles under her eyes. It seemed Esther’s effort to solve the flower mystery was a nice distraction for everyone.